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Children Quotes by John Bradshaw

38 Children quotes by John Bradshaw

All Children quotes John Bradshaw’s page

A parent talking about sex in front of a child at the wrong age shows how emotional neglect can hurt a child's sense of safety. Bradshaw reminds us that naming and feeling our emotions is key to healthy self‑esteem. He also notes that children are naturally curious, brave, and willing to explore a big, risky world.

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Children are natural Zen masters; their world is brand new in each and every moment.

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I believe that this neglected, wounded, inner child of the past is the major source of human misery.

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Children aren't fooled. They know we give time to the things we love.

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As a child I was not allowed to express my feelings, so I had to go back through therapy and express the…

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In my family, as in all dysfunctional families, instead of parents who act as strong and nurturing role models for their children,…

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“When two-year-olds are thwarted (like every three minutes), they have intense anger and temper tantrums. At this stage the child needs to…

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“It is very common for one or both parents in a dysfunctional marriage to bond inappropriately with one of their children. The…

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“A covert kind of sexual abuse occurs when Dad or Mom talk about sex in front of the children when the age…

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Children are curious and are risk takers. They have lots of courage. They venture out into a world that is immense and…

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“With the child already shame-based, the feeling of discouragement takes over the whole personality. As the shame-based child forms her primitive conscience,…

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Children need parents who model self-discipline rather than preach it. They learn from what their parents are actually willing to do; not…

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“One is free from depression,” writes Alice Miller in The Drama of the Gifted Child, “when self-esteem is based on the authenticity…

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“A very young child cannot understand that his dad is a sick alcoholic. Children are limited in logical ability. Their earliest way…

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“According to Pia Mellody, when “one parent has a relationship with the child that is more important than the relationship he or…

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“To develop strong ego boundaries, children need parents with strong boundaries. No shame-based parent has these. Toxic shame greatly damages our boundaries.…

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“The poisonous pedagogy justifies highly abusive methods for suppressing children’s vital spontaneity: physical beatings, lying, duplicity, manipulation, scare tactics, withdrawal of love,…

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“Toxic shame results from the unexpected exposure of vulnerable aspects of a child’s self. This exposure takes place before the child has…

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“NEED SHAME BINDS When these needs are neglected, children are given the message that their needs are not important, and they lose…

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“Crushing the toddler’s autonomy and purposeful will is the most damaging form of shaming that can be done. When autonomy is crushed,…

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“SHAME—THE MASTER EMOTION Shame has been called the master emotion because as it is internalized-all the other emotions are bound by shame.…

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“Children have an amazing ability to perceive this need in the parent(s). The true self of the child seems to know it…

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“When emotionally abandoned people describe their childhoods, it is always without feeling. Alice Miller writes, They recount their earliest memories without any…

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“Generally speaking, most of our vital, spontaneous, instinctual life gets shamed. Children are shamed for being too rambunctious, for wanting things and…

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“Alice Miller has summed up these rules under the title “Poisonous Pedagogy” in her book For Your Own Good. These rules state:…

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“EMOTIONAL ABANDONMENT AND NARCISSISTIC DEPRIVATION Children need mirroring and echoing. These come from their primary caregiver’s eyes. Mirroring means that someone is…

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“When children have shame-based parents, they identify with them. This is the first step in the child’s internalizing shame because the children…

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“THE DYSFUNCTIONAL FAMILY RULES 1. Control or Chaos. One must be in control of all interactions, feelings and personal behavior at all…

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“In the past, when dogs’ functions were mostly rural, it was accepted that they were intrinsically messy and needed to be managed…

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“When parents are shame-based and needy, they are unable to take over the mirroring narcissistic function for the child. Furthermore, the fact…

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“A child can only experience his feelings when there is someone there who fully accepts them, names them and supports them. Another…

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“Being abandoned through the neglect of our developmental dependency needs is the major factor in becoming an adult child. We grow up;…

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“The fantasy bond is an illusion of connectedness that the child creates in relation to the primary caregiver, who is shaming her.…

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“During school age, the bright, shame-based child will attempt to develop inhuman ego defenses or defending scripts, such as perfectionism, blaming, criticizing,…

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“When our e-motions are not mirrored and named, we lose contact with one of our vital human powers. Parents who are out…

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“Anger is considered especially bad. Anger is one of the seven deadly sins. These sins send you to hell. In its most…

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“Emotions are a form of energy in motion. They signal us of a loss, a threat or a satiation. Sadness is about…

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“3. The child is allowed to experience and express ordinary impulses, such as jealousy, rage, sexuality and defiance, because the parents have…

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“(b) Boundary Violation. This involves children witnessing parents in sexual behavior. They may walk in on it because parents don’t provide closed…

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More by John Bradshaw

Recovery begins with embracing our pain and taking the risk to share it with others. We do this by joining a group and talking…

“Generally speaking, most of our vital, spontaneous, instinctual life gets shamed. Children are shamed for being too rambunctious, for wanting things and for laughing…

“A covert kind of sexual abuse occurs when Dad or Mom talk about sex in front of the children when the age level of…

I know from my own clinical work that when people are beaten and hurt, they numb out so that they cant feel anymore.

“Love-that which biologists, nervous about being misunderstood call "attachment"-fuels the bond between dog and master or mistress.”

“(b) Boundary Violation. This involves children witnessing parents in sexual behavior. They may walk in on it because parents don’t provide closed or locked…

“A toxically shamed person is divided within himself and must create a false-self cover-up to hide his sense of being flawed and defective. You…

I define a 'good person' as somebody who is fully conscious of their own limitations. They know their strengths, but they also know their…

“The ego defense of conversion transforms developmental needs into the need for something else. This could be food, money or excessive attention. In Max’s…

“In fact, the most paradoxical aspect of neurotic shame is that it is the core motivator of the superachieved and the underachieved, the star…

“If our primary caregivers are shame-based, they will act shameless and pass their toxic shame onto us. There is no way to teach self-value…

Ego is to the true self what a flashlight is to a spotlight.

“If a cat falls out of a high-rise building or a tall tree, it has another trick available: forming a “parachute” by spreading all…

“In the past, when dogs’ functions were mostly rural, it was accepted that they were intrinsically messy and needed to be managed on their…

“IDENTIFICATION When victimization takes place the victim often identifies with the persecutor. By so doing the victim no longer feels the helplessness and the…