Burns Matches Quotes by Jay London

At Motel 6 in Amish Country I wonder if they leave the light on for you?

— Jay London

My girlfriend bought me a down jacket, she said it fit my personality.

— Jay London

It all started when my dog began getting free roll over minutes

— Jay London

I model irregular clothing.

— Jay London

I told my therapist I was having nightmares about nuclear explosions. He said don't worry it's not the end of the world.

— Jay London

I went out with a promiscuous impressionist. She did everybody.

— Jay London

I went to the doctor and he said I had acute appendicitis, and I said compared to who?

— Jay London

I'm convinced my cockroaches have military training, I set off a roach bomb - they diffused it.

— Jay London

My girlfriend has crabs, I bought her fishnet stockings.

— Jay London

I was going to buy a book on hair loss, but the pages kept falling out.

— Jay London

I was lonely driving here tonight so I hugged the road.

— Jay London

Did you know that today will never be tomorrow.

— Jay London