Bloated Gassy Quotes by Miranda Hobbes

Seriously, why don't straight men have bodies like this?

— Miranda Hobbes

Just because he said he's gonna call doesn't mean he's gonna call.

— Miranda Hobbes

Sure, Just type in your symptoms, hit enter, and wait for the word cancer to appear on the screen. Anyway, it turns out I'm…

— Miranda Hobbes

I've been trying to diagnosis myself on the Internet…

— Miranda Hobbes

Sorry, cute guy. I thought he was checking me out for a second.

— Miranda Hobbes

That's not true, you've had sex with plenty of married people.

— Miranda Hobbes

These are my last months of freedom and I'm spending them in bed.

— Miranda Hobbes

Oh God, Carrie. Is this my baby? I mean, what am I waiting for?

— Miranda Hobbes

I'm just saying as a lawyer, a partner no less, I got zero dates and as a stewardess, I got one for tomorrow night.

— Miranda Hobbes

I can't believe I'm eating a frozen dinner. I'm such a cliche.

— Miranda Hobbes

This is a little unusual, he has you on a vesting schedule. For every five years that you're married you get a percentage of…

— Miranda Hobbes

I have low self-esteem, but I express it the healthy way... by eating a box of Double-Stuff Oreos.

— Miranda Hobbes