At one seminar where I was speaking on the concept of…
““At one seminar where I was speaking on the concept of proactivity, a man came up and said, “Stephen, I like what you’re saying. But every situation is so different. Look at my marriage. I’m really worried. My wife and I just don’t have the same feelings for each other we used to have. I guess I just don’t love her anymore and she doesn’t love me. What can I do?” “The feeling isn’t there anymore?” I asked. “That’s right,” he reaffirmed. “And we have three children we’re really concerned about. What do you suggest?” “Love her,” I replied. “I told you, the feeling just isn’t there anymore.” “Love her.” “You don’t understand. The feeling of love just isn’t there.” “Then love her. If the feeling isn’t there, that’s a good reason to love her.” “But how do you love when you don’t love?” “My friend, love is a verb. Love—the feeling—is a fruit of love, the verb. So love her. Serve her. Sacrifice. Listen to her. Empathize. Appreciate. Affirm her. Are you willing to do that?” *** In the great literature of all progressive societies, love is a verb. Reactive people make it a feeling.””
About This Quote
This interpretation was drafted with AI assistance. It is one reading of the quote, not the author's own explanation.
Love is an intentional action, not merely a feeling; commitment and service sustain relationships even when emotions wane.
In simple terms: Love is a verb, not just a feeling.
Key Takeaway
Actively choose love through service and empathy.
Themes
relationships
commitment
proactivity
empathy
service
Mood
reflective
hopeful
determined
Type
advice
philosophical
inspirational
When to use this quote
- marriage counseling
- parenting
- personal growth
- relationship repair
Key Concepts
Verb vs. feeling
intentionality
relationship dynamics
Questions to Reflect On
- Can love be sustained without initial feeling?
- What actions best demonstrate love in a strained marriage?
A Different Perspective
Feelings may fade, but consistent actions can rebuild connection.