The principals are quite simple. We can love people who…
““The principals are quite simple. We can love people who treat us well. We cannot love people who treat us badly because, treating someone badly is not a virtue and we can only love virtue. I don’t think that’s controversial. I mean, there is no marriage therapist that I can imagine in the world who would say to a woman being beaten, humiliated, verbally abused, or completely ignored by her husband, “You just need to love him more. You need to work at making him happier.” That would be sadistic in the extreme to say to someone. So, in the same way I say, if anyone, I don’t care if they are your priest, god, father, mother, or your Siamese twin cousin coming out of your elbow or ass. I don’t care. If someone is treating you badly, that is not good for you. The solution is not you being so great that you both become better. That’s not a realistic solution.””
About This Quote
This interpretation was drafted with AI assistance. It is one reading of the quote, not the author's own explanation.
Love should be based on virtue, not on enduring abuse; demanding love from abusers is unrealistic and harmful.
In simple terms: Love only virtuous people, not abusers.
Key Takeaway
Prioritize safety over trying to change abusive behavior.
Themes
relationships
abuse
virtue
boundaries
Mood
serious
empathetic
Type
ethical
advice
When to use this quote
- marriage counseling
- domestic violence
- personal boundaries
- support groups
Key Concepts
ethical love
power dynamics
Questions to Reflect On
- What boundaries protect you in harmful relationships?
- How can you seek help without feeling guilty?
A Different Perspective
Changing abuser behavior is often impossible without their willingness.