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Equally disagreeable is the man who, when leaving in the…

“Equally disagreeable is the man who, when leaving in the middle of the night, takes care to fasten the cord of his headdress. This is quite unnecessary; he could perfectly well put it gently on his head without tying the cord. And why must he spend time adjusting his cloak or hunting costume? Does…” quote by Sei Shōnagon
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““Equally disagreeable is the man who, when leaving in the middle of the night, takes care to fasten the cord of his headdress. This is quite unnecessary; he could perfectly well put it gently on his head without tying the cord. And why must he spend time adjusting his cloak or hunting costume? Does he really think that someone may see him at this time of night and criticize him for not being impeccably dressed? A good lover will behave as elegantly at dawn as at any other time. He drags himself out of bed with a look of dismay on his face. The lady urges him on: “Come, my friend, it’s getting light. You don’t want anyone to find you here.” He gives a deep sigh, as if to say that the night has not been nearly long enough and that it is agony to leave. Once up, he does not instantly pull on his trousers. Instead, he comes close to the lady and whispers whatever was left unsaid during the night. Even when he is dressed, he still lingers, vaguely pretending to be fastening his sash. Presently he raises the lattice, and the two lovers stand together by the side door while he tells her how he dreads the coming day, which will keep them apart; then he slips away. The lady watches him go, and this moment of parting will remain among her most charming memories. Indeed, one’s attachment to a man depends largely on the elegance of his leave-taking. When he jumps out of bed, scurries about the room, tightly fastens his trouser-sash, rolls up the sleeves of his Court cloak, over-robe, or hunting costume, stuffs his belongings into the breast of his robe and then briskly secures the outer sash—one really begins to hate him.””

Sei Shōnagon

About This Quote

This interpretation was drafted with AI assistance. It is one reading of the quote, not the author's own explanation.

The passage sat how a lover’s graceful, lingering departure reflects deeper affection, while hurried, overly careful exits betray vanity and irritate the beloved.

In simple terms: Elegant farewells show love; rushed exits show vanity.

Key Takeaway

Embrace thoughtful, unhurried partings.

Themes

love etiquette departure vanity intimacy

Mood

reflective melancholic intimate

Type

observational philosophical

When to use this quote

  • morning routines
  • romantic relationships
  • social expectations
  • personal habits

Key Concepts

social ritual emotional expression cultural norms

Questions to Reflect On

  • Do you value the way you say goodbye?
  • How does a graceful exit affect relationships?
A Different Perspective

If the lover is too hurried, the sentiment may feel insincere.

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