I need new prayers, the old ones don't work anymore.

“law that stated you didn't advertise any event you hadn't attended, any place you'd never been, or any band you didn't really listen to.”

— Mhairi McFarlane

To refer even in passing to unpublished or struggling authors and their problems is to put oneself at some risk, so I will say…

— Kingsley Amis

“Wish in one hand, shit in the other, see which one fills up faster.”

— Noelle Oxenhandler

“Men circle like bees around honey, buzzing to communicate their sexual despair.”

— Carla H Krueger

It goes to show you how we in the press so often miss the big stories that are right under our noses. There is…

— Roger Ebert

“What if," replied Inspector Fry in the same maddeningly curteous tone, "we were all to construct daisy chains and drape them so as to…

— Lyndsay Faye

You owe me a drink, you're so ugly I dropped mine when I saw you.

— Anonymous

No woman ever yet either reasoned or acted long together consequentially; but some little thing, some love, some resentment, somepresent momentary interest, some supposed…

— Lord Chesterfield

“Holy shit," somebody muttered in the dark. "A virgin," sputtered another. "I didn't know they still made them." "He just did.”

— Larry Kramer

“True, science has conquered many diseases, broken the genetic code, and even placed human beings on the moon, and yet when a man of…

— Woody Allen

“John, let me make one thing clear,” Jim said, cutting me off in his most stern, evangelical voice. “Every man is blessed with his…

— David Wong

Self-deprecating humour is a common form of comedy and it helps get the audience on side because you're being vulnerable.

— Alex Brooker

“Life is like yoga; the only way you can enjoy it is by relaxing into any position you happen to find yourself in.”

— Jon Wakeham

“Charlotte Richmond says of herself: “I have few ladylike accomplishments. I cannot sing, I cannot draw, I cannot play the pianoforte or the harp…

— Nicola Slade

“But even if they could go home it would be difficult for me to tell you what the moral of the story is. In…

— Lemony Snicket