Maybe it was just a spur-of-the-moment, “why not?” wild…

““Maybe it was just a spur-of-the-moment, “why not?” wild kind of thing that spontaneous people like him often do. I could easily see that: you’re sitting in the kitchen amid the smells of stale food, in the dark glow of a White Night, surrounded by dirty utensils and half-empty glasses and empty wine bottles. You look around morosely—and the window is ajar. Slowly you get up off your stool—there were no chairs in that kitchen when I was there—and walk to the window. Then, of course, this “why not?” thing can’t help crossing your mind. It occurs to you that this is something that you have never done before: life has already happened to you, but not death. Because of the uncertain light and the nauseatingly sweet wine in your blood, everything is slow, like in a dream sequence where the action takes place above the clouds on a gray day. So you just do it. A second before you’re on the win-dowsill, a second after you’re nowhere, leaving it to someone else to wonder about the fragility of his own life. The instant is like a membrane: you prick it with a pin and the balloon explodes, the phone stops working, you become deaf, and you know that your heart, too, may explode unpredictably, and that your body can burst with a cancer that it has been nurturing for months, and your plane can come apart high in the sky.””

— Mikhail Iossel