I like to think I'm not stupid often, tonight proves that…

“It’s for Carson. (Margery) And I repeat what I said. Just what I need, a bunch of drunk fucks working on me. Remind me…

— Sherrilyn Kenyon

“A sturdy hold, but I think there's something up with the material.”

— Pete Sortwell

“Take care of your husband and do your "homework." For every headache you have there will be a women out there with an aspirin…

— Jane Jenkins Herlong

“Because I was a shy and awkward child, I used humour to deflect attention. It was a controlling mechanism. Because I could use it…

— Catherine Tate

“There is no reason to hate anybody, because we came into existence, not by hate-making, but through love-making.”

— Michael Bassey Johnson

“Rivera rubbed his temples. "Satan told you to do it?" he said wearily. "No." "Elvis?" "I told you, it's supernatural.”

— Christopher Moore

“One day, scientists will overtake LIGHT and crash into the DARKNESS.”

— Paul McDermott

“I despise Wednesdays! They are the Marquis de Sade of the work week. Wednesday are so awful that...wait..what? It's Thurs? (face-palm)”

— L.G.A. McIntyre

“If you drink anymore, you're going to be positively flammable.”

— Michaela Haze

A stitch in time saves uncontrollable blood loss

— Simon Haynes

“The Wolf snarled, tensing his muscles, as if he wished he could climb the tree after the feline. "One day I will catch you…

— Julie Kagawa

“The table was covered with food like roast chicken, roast potatoes, roast parsnips, roast turkey, roast liquorice and, the centrepiece, a roasted knight.”

— Elias Zapple

“Blake looked around and gulped. He'd forgotten about the mess on the floor. Chamber pot shards, his shaving kit, a towel or two... "I...…

— Julia Quinn

“Frank: Dude. Bro. I'm not wearing underwear. Is it nippley outside?”

— Ren French

“Answering the question 'How would you like to smell?' by saying 'I'd rather I didn't' is also no longer acceptable. It's not playing the…

— David Mitchell