OMG I don't think slippy floors and drunk women mix

High school sucked. It was a universal truth, and whoever said these were supposed to be the best years of your life was probably…

— Kami Garcia

Ye youths and virgins, when your generous blood Has drunk the warmth of fifteen summers, now The loves invite; now to new rapture wakes…

— John Armstrong

Husband comes home drunk and breaks crockery, vomits and falls down on the floor. Wife pulls him up and cleans everything. ...

— Mazher (@mazher50

“But I did not return until half past four this morning and I distinctly remember stubbing my toe on the stairs. I am as…

— Terry Pratchett

Curiously, the righteous Pharisees had little historical impact, save for a brief time in a remote corner of the Roman Empire. But Jesus' disciples…

— Philip Yancey

“Joe!” he groaned, attempting to speak clearly. “Joe! Good ol’ Joe!” “Captain, you’re drunk!” Lofflin said, stating the obvious while trying to keep his…

— Christina Engela

“If you ever have children, tell them they must always be drunk. Drunk on love, drunk on poetry, drunk on wine, it doesn’t matter.…

— Benjamin Hale

“Well, make up your mind. I don’t have all night.” Fidelia set her beer on the porch and removed a set of keys from…

— Kerrelyn Sparks

I have so strong a sense of creation, of tomorrow, that I cannot get drunk, knowing I will be less alive, less well, less…

— Anais Nin

I was so drunk last night I fell down and missed the floor.

— Dean Martin

“Eleven o'clock had come and gone. I had to find a way to bring this conversation to a successful conclusion and get out of…

— Haruki Murakami

Keith was just bringing the glass to his lips when Adrian said, "Mmm. O positive, my favorite." Keith sprayed out the wine he'd just…

— Richelle Mead

“it always falls on the sober to pay for the sins of the drunk.”

— Khaled Hosseini

“She’s the kind of person who makes you feel drunk just by being around her, like suddenly the world’s edges are dulled and all…

— Lauren Oliver

I'm not drunk, I'm just intoxicated by you. I was so enchanted by your beauty that I ran into that wall over there. So…

— Paperboi