Im not wearing any pants but I would like to invite you…

You looking for a dick punch?

— Hank Moody

You can't snort a line of coke off a womans ass and not wonder about her hopes and dreams, it's not gentlemanly.

— Hank Moody

So not only are you a cadaverous slut, but you also have sh***y taste in movies.

— Hank Moody

Life's too short to dance with fat chicks

— Hank Moody

Hey, its you isnt it, I made a mess of your bush this morning.

— Hank Moody

Girls know at once whether they want to fuck, marry, or kill a guy. Which begs the question: how am I doing?

— Hank Moody

“Smell you later.”

— Hank Moody

Wo wo wo what the f**k was that, you just blew me off, you think I can't afford this penile implant on wheels

— Hank Moody

“Don’t worry, your prayers have been answered. I’m leaving.”

— Hank Moody

“people seem to be getting dumber and dumber. You know, I mean we have all this amazing technology and yet computers have turned into…

— Hank Moody

She takes after her mother. The make-up and the slutty clothes.

— Hank Moody

“I can’t teach you how to write, and anybody who says they can is full of shit.”

— Hank Moody

“Whatever you do, don’t be another brick in the wall!”

— Hank Moody

Nobody likes you. You're ugly and your mother dresses you funny. Now smile you f*****g douche!

— Hank Moody

“Cities don’t change people. People don’t even change people. We are who we are.”

— Hank Moody