This is one night I wish I smoked and drank.

I never smoked. I never drank and I never took drugs. The funny thing is, nothing is more boring, people like this. For me,…

— Karl Lagerfeld

“I wish I had a tray table in my bedroom and I wish I smoked, just so I could extinguish my smoking materials”

— Augusten Burroughs

I never trusted a man who never smoked or drank.

— Abraham Lincoln

“They smoked and drank as if they were already defeated, hardened, and long out of art school.”

— Naima Coster

For 15 years of my life I smoked, I drank, I used to do drugs... but during that time, I never once thought I…

— Marc Maron

I used to do my dad smoked, he drank, we finally had to kill him.

— Louie Anderson

I drank, smoked and did drugs to get where I'm at.

— Doug Stanhope

[In] my era everybody smoked and everybody drank and there was no drug use

— Thomas A. Constantine

All my heroes, I guess, like John Wayne and all those guys, they drank and they smoked and did all the manly things. It…

— Larry Hagman

“Besides, the old man was out of shape, smoked and drank--a walking heart attack.”

— Anne Stuart

“These days he smoked and drank largely to solace himself for what drinking and smoking had done to him, so he drank and smoked…

— Martin Amis (Author

One night, I pissed into an empty wine bottle so I could continue watching Monty Python, and suddenly thought 'I've never tasted my own…

— Brian Eno

“(Golden Globe acceptance speech in the style of Jane Austen's letters ): "Four A.M. Having just returned from an evening at the Golden Spheres,…

— Emma Thompson

“Ladies and Gentlemen, I stand before you now because I never stopped dawdling like an eight-year-old on a spring morning on his way to…

— Kurt Vonnegut

There's another totally fraudulent recipient of the Nobel Peace Prize. Al Gore hadn't done anything but make a movie that itself was filled with…

— Rush Limbaugh