What does long life avail? The best seats at the funerals…

Always remember this: If you don't attend the funerals of your friends, they will certainly not attend yours.

— H. L. Mencken

Old age: I fall asleep during the funerals of my friends.

— Mason Cooley

“I have found the funerals of friends less harrowing than the auctioning off of their property: a unique and loveable nature, already contracted to…

— James Buchan

Teachers and nurses get the best seats in Heaven.

— Arnold Schwarzenegger

I take my only exercise acting as a pallbearer at the funerals of my friends who exercise regularly.

— Mark Twain

“Baudelaire" When I fall asleep, and even during sleep, I hear, quite distinctly, voices speaking Whole phrases, commonplace and trivial, Having no relation to…

— Delmore Schwartz

“Begbie doesnae even notice; he's in his element, particularly good at funerals in the way a lot ay psychopaths tend tae be. Ah suppose…

— Irvine Welsh

“A premature death does not only rob one of the countless instances where one would have experienced pleasure, it also saves one from the…

— Mokokoma Mokhonoana

I don't like my parents; I never will. I didn't cry at either of their funerals. I haven't missed them for five seconds. I…

— David Small

Sometimes funerals can be good. It reunites you with your cousins you haven't seen in a while.

— David Burtka

When someone dies then they go to their funeral. Stands there... says nothing, because they are gone.

— Anthony Barger

“An expensive coffin does not decrease the deceased’s chances of going to hell.”

— Mokokoma Mokhonoana

Funerals and weddings were commonplace, and nothing could have been so interesting to them as the coming of the end of the world ...…

— Edward Eggleston

Growing up, there were a lot of funerals that I attended, and the adults at the funerals went out of their way to make…

— Bryan Fuller

“Atmosphere" is a massive song. A lot of people say it's their favorite Joy Division song, but it's not mine; it reminds me too…

— Peter Hook