The dog proved to be as dumb and stubborn as a mud fence…

All novels are about crime. You'd be hard pressed to find any novel that does not have an element of crime. I don't see…

— Carl Hiaasen

“If anything is more irresistible than Jesus, it's Mickey.”

— Carl Hiaasen

No deliberative body is manifestly less qualified to make decisions about public education than our state Legislature. With a few shining exceptions, most of…

— Carl Hiaasen

“In his own mind, it was never a matter of courage. But courage it was.”

— Carl Hiaasen

Disney's something to be a little alarmed about. It's not just a little theme park anymore. It's now an ethic and outlook and strategy…

— Carl Hiaasen

“Buck’s girlfriend went by the porny name of Miracle though she had a master’s in computer science from Florida State.”

— Carl Hiaasen

“A quick puke, two rails of blow and she was solid.”

— Carl Hiaasen

“Earl, you can’t walk around with a lead slug up your bottom. It’s bound to affect your outlook.” Tool jerked his hand away. “I’ll…

— Carl Hiaasen

“I believe it's never too late to change. I'm eighty-one years old, but I still think I can be a better person tomorrow than…

— Carl Hiaasen

When I'm deciding to read a book, I never open to the first chapter, because that's been revised and worked over 88 times. I'll…

— Carl Hiaasen

Sure, I'll have characters drop in and out of books but the main cast of characters always changes. Maybe I'm wrong but I think…

— Carl Hiaasen

As frightening as this may sound, what you see in the books is the way I see the world. And so far I haven't…

— Carl Hiaasen

as a lobbyist he had long ago concluded there was no difference in how Democrats and Republicans conducted the business of government. The game…

— Carl Hiaasen

“Hey. Sometimes life is a shit flavored Popsicle.”

— Carl Hiaasen

“Shreave flicked away the dead mosquito. "Don't these things carry the bird flu too?" "No Boyd, that would be a bird.”

— Carl Hiaasen