Skip to content

If your parents’ faces never lit up when they looked at…

“If your parents’ faces never lit up when they looked at you, it’s hard to know what it feels like to be loved and cherished. If you come from an incomprehensible world filled with secrecy and fear, it’s almost impossible to find the words to express what you have endured. If you grew up unwanted…” quote by Bessel A. van der Kolk
Download Open image
““If your parents’ faces never lit up when they looked at you, it’s hard to know what it feels like to be loved and cherished. If you come from an incomprehensible world filled with secrecy and fear, it’s almost impossible to find the words to express what you have endured. If you grew up unwanted and ignored, it is a major challenge to develop a visceral sense of agency and self-worth.””

Bessel A. van der Kolk

About This Quote

This interpretation was drafted with AI assistance. It is one reading of the quote, not the author's own explanation.

Trauma can erode self‑love, agency, and self‑worth, making emotional connection difficult.

In simple terms: Trauma harms self‑esteem and sense of control.

Key Takeaway

Seek safe relationships and therapeutic support.

Themes

trauma attachment self‑worth psychology

Mood

reflective hopeful

Type

therapeutic inspirational

When to use this quote

  • therapy
  • support groups
  • mindfulness
  • journaling

Key Concepts

neurobiology emotional regulation attachment theory

Questions to Reflect On

  • How can you rebuild a sense of agency?
  • What practices foster self‑compassion?
A Different Perspective

Healing is a gradual, non‑linear process.

★ ★ ★ ★ ★ No ratings yet

More by Bessel A. van der Kolk

Explore all 29 Bessel A. van der Kolk quotes

More Abuse quotes

Browse all 3,113 Abuse quotes