Straight show stop it, watching me perform. Got the…

We should have a conversation when we hang up.

— Benedict Cumberbatch

If I'm not thinking about you then I am texting you , if I am not texting you then I am on the phone…

— Anonymous

Nobody is listening to your telephone calls.

— Barack Obama

*Calling someone I don't want to answer* *Please go to voice mail. Please go to voice mail. Please go to voice mail..* Hello? -___-

— Ritu Ghatourey

No calls? I understand. No text? I understand. But when you see me with someone else…please understand.

— Zhat

How do you keep an idiot in suspense? Leave a message and Ill get back to you.

— Anonymous

The biggest pain in the ass when your battery on your phone is dieing..

— Kevin McCarty

The Text is not a definitive object.

— Roland Barthes

Don't take anyone for granted, just because they texts you first doesn't mean they're going to chase you around and be your last choice..

— Anonymous

You text him, he doesn't text back. He obviously was so excited that you texted him and he fainted.

— Luphielia

I am out in public and using the phone. I am in a phone booth, got the phone in my hand and a man…

— Bill Engvall

My ex texted me saying, You can delete my number, I don't give a damn no more. I texted back saying, Who's this?

— Hussein Nishah

People call me and always leave a voice mail to call them right back.. Who the hell are they ? That option is only…

— Kevin McCarty

[Answering the phone] Hello, this is a recording, you've dialed the right number, now hang up and don't do it again.

— Frank Sinatra

If I could send myself a bunch of snake emojis, I probably would.

— Alaska