Sarah Silverman

Great News! If you quit being cunty the whole world will stop being against you!

— Sarah Silverman

I'm doing stuff on Kaballah and Scientology and a little bit more racial stuff, for good measure.

— Sarah Silverman

It feels weird in our ear holes to hear people worshipping a guy named Ron. We know Rons in our life.

— Sarah Silverman

I don't wanna be labeled as straight or labeled as gay. I just want people to look at me and see me…

— Sarah Silverman

People are always introducing me as Sarah Silverman, Jewish comedienne. I hate that! I wish people would see me for who I…

— Sarah Silverman

The audience works as such a mob. They either all laugh or all don't laugh, and, you know, changes from audience to…

— Sarah Silverman

Earlier in my career, I was really tight, really together, and knew who I was and I was confident. I kind of…

— Sarah Silverman

“If women could ejaculate, I would have exploded hot jizz all over my manager's face. Instead, I hugged him. (about getting the…

— Sarah Silverman

I buy water at the liquor store across the street from where I live. So I'm walking into the door, and standing,…

— Sarah Silverman

I learned pretty early is I never defend my material; it's for other people to if someone is offended. It's so subjective,…

— Sarah Silverman

I'm very lucky in that I still experience highs and lows. And I think those lows are important. But I am not…

— Sarah Silverman

I will always try to be happy. I don’t think people really understand the value of happiness until they know what it’s…

— Sarah Silverman

I remember the horror story that I told myself over and over again. I'm totally alone in my body. I'm totally alone…

— Sarah Silverman

I mean, I talk about being Jewish a lot. It's funny because I do think of myself as Jewish ethnically, but I'm…

— Sarah Silverman

“I don’t think people really understand the value of happiness until they know what it’s like to be in that very, very…

— Sarah Silverman

People say I'm a nice girl saying terrible things. I tend to say the opposite of what I think. You hope that…

— Sarah Silverman

I don't believe in Jesus or God. But I do believe that fundamentalists in religion or anything else are bad, and that…

— Sarah Silverman

I was going to get an abortion the other day. I totally wanted an abortion. And it turns out I was just…

— Sarah Silverman

“She loved dogs, New York, television, children, friendship, sex, laughing, heartbreaking songs, marijuana, farts, and cuddling.”

— Sarah Silverman

Men like to squash you. I just want someone who's happy with himself, happy with his life. He doesn't have to squash…

— Sarah Silverman

Well, I'm not afraid to say something if I think it's funny, even if it's harsh or racist.

— Sarah Silverman

“People who call themselves divas...you are not a diva. I'm pretty sure you're a cunt.”

— Sarah Silverman

I was raped by a doctor. Which is, you know, so bittersweet for a Jewish girl.

— Sarah Silverman

I can't wait till Sunday, I'm gonna see my favorite niece and my other niece...

— Sarah Silverman

I'm lucky because I intentionally keep my overhead low, and so I can say, "No, thank you."

— Sarah Silverman

Relations between black and white would be greatly improved if we were more accepting of our fears and our feelings and more…

— Sarah Silverman

I gave him a compliment! All right, I told him he probably would've made, like, a really expensive slave in the, like,…

— Sarah Silverman

I love making videos on my couch. You can put those on the Internet fast. I can express myself.

— Sarah Silverman

One of the greatest things my therapist said to me ... and it really blew my mind in the greatest way, he…

— Sarah Silverman

It's really stupid to defend your own jokes. That is for other people to do if they choose to.

— Sarah Silverman

I don't want to be a facilitator for other funny people. It doesn't seem smart for me to be in a comedy…

— Sarah Silverman

I didn't lose my virginity until I was twenty-six. Nineteen vaginally, but twenty-six what my boyfriend calls "the real way".

— Sarah Silverman

When God gives you AIDS - and God does give you AIDS, by the way - make lemonAIDS.

— Sarah Silverman

I don't think there is a woman in her 40s who doesn't, kind of, examine herself in the mirror.

— Sarah Silverman

You have to be able to laugh at yourself. That's what I tell Asian people all the time.

— Sarah Silverman

I am Jewish and proud of this culturally and ethnically - the ways in which I was born this way and am…

— Sarah Silverman

I don't set out to offend or shock, but I also don't do anything to avoid it.

— Sarah Silverman

Sometimes I am screwing around, and sometimes I get way too serious, but I am a pretty sincere person.

— Sarah Silverman

I am 39 years old, and I still wake up every morning really excited I don't have to go to school.

— Sarah Silverman

I can't cater to everyone's needs and what they're going to be offended by; that's one freedom I have.

— Sarah Silverman