Esther Perel

“We no longer get work out of our children; today we get meaning.”

— Esther Perel

Sex is about where you can take me, not what you can do to me.

— Esther Perel

It’s hard to feel attracted to someone who has abandoned her sense of autonomy.

— Esther Perel

“It takes two people to create a pattern, but only one to change it.”

— Esther Perel

When there is nothing left to hide, there is nothing left to seek.

— Esther Perel

It's our imagination that's responsible for love, not the other person.

— Esther Perel

“[I]nfidelity has a tenacity that marriage can only envy.”

— Esther Perel

You never know your partner as well as you think.

— Esther Perel

“So, like a forgotten fire, a childhood can always flare up again within us. —Gaston Bachelard”

— Esther Perel

“The smaller we feel in the world, the more we need to shine in the eyes of our partner.”

— Esther Perel

“despite its widespread denunciation, infidelity has a tenacity that marriage can only envy.”

— Esther Perel

“In this world there are only two tragedies. One is getting what one wants, and the other is not getting it.” When”

— Esther Perel

The attraction of dating is that you don't take yes for granted - - you're fully engaged, there's seductiveness, tension.

— Esther Perel

In my community there were two groups of people, There were the ones who did not die and the ones who came…

— Esther Perel

“The “symptom” theory goes as follows: An affair simply alerts us to a preexisting condition, either a troubled relationship or a troubled…

— Esther Perel

“I got rid of my motorcycle when Jimmy was born. I’m not allowed to die in a bike crash anymore.”

— Esther Perel

“Acknowledging the third has to do with validating the erotic separateness of our partner. It follows that our partner's sexuality does not…

— Esther Perel

“Ours is a culture that reveres the ethos of absolute frankness and elevates truth-telling to moral perfection. Other cultures believe that when…

— Esther Perel

You know what happens to sex in marriage? Instead of inviting desire, you monitor it. Especially men: You let her sleep late,…

— Esther Perel

There is no sex without a cue. People who date have their cues at home, before they meet. You think about where…

— Esther Perel

One of the most amazing abilities of sexuality is to momentarily transcend the borders of Self into something that is no longer…

— Esther Perel

In committed sex, in marriage, people don't feel the need to seduce or to build anticipation - - that's an effort they…

— Esther Perel

Sometimes it has to do with other longings that are much more existential. Sometimes you go elsewhere not because you are not…

— Esther Perel

Very often we don’t go elsewhere because we are looking for another person. We go elsewhere because we are looking for another…

— Esther Perel

“We don't like to be intimate alone. Some couples take this one step further, confusing intimacy with control. What passes for care…

— Esther Perel

“If intimacy grows through repetition and familiarity, eroticism is numbed by repetition. It thrives on the mysterious, the novel, and the unexpected.…

— Esther Perel

But when we reduce sex to a function, we also invoke the idea of dysfunction. We are no longer talking about the…

— Esther Perel

If a woman isn't feeling sexual with herself, she won't respond to advances from any partner, male or female. When this woman…

— Esther Perel

At the same time, eroticism in the home requires active engagement and willful intent. It is an ongoing resistance to the message…

— Esther Perel

Many couples have never had a conversation about sexuality and sexual boundaries. The presence or lack of sex, the quality of it,…

— Esther Perel

We are afraid that our adult sexuality will somehow damage our kids, that it’s inappropriate or dangerous. But whom are we protecting?…

— Esther Perel

Secrecy fuels erotic intensity because it makes you feel like you're doing something that is entirely yours. It gives you the sense…

— Esther Perel

“Terry Real, who has written extensively about men in relationships, describes a particular “unholy triangle” between “the powerful, irresponsible, and/or abusive father,…

— Esther Perel

“...this is the first time in the history of humankind where we are trying to experience sexuality in the long term, not…

— Esther Perel

“The French psychologist Jacques Salomé talks about the need to develop a personal intimacy with one’s own self as a counterbalance to…

— Esther Perel

“She’s beautiful, too, did I mention that? She lives the life I didn’t live. I feel middle-age and middle-class around her. Nothing…

— Esther Perel

“if you’re too busy for sex, you’re too busy.”

— Esther Perel

There's something very full in knowing that your partner accepts you as is.

— Esther Perel

Everyone should cultivate a secret garden.

— Esther Perel

The secret to desire in a long-term relationship

— Esther Perel