Our partner's sexuality does not belong to us. It isn't just for and about us, and we should not assume that it… — Esther Perel Copy Share Image
What is the relationship between love and desire? How do they relate, and how do they conflict? ... Therein lies the mystery… — Esther Perel Conflict Copy Share Image
“Erotic intelligence is about creating distance, then bringing that space to life.” — Esther Perel Erotic Copy Share Image
We know desire is rooted in absence and yearning. What you don't have is often ten times richer than what you actually… — Esther Perel Absence Copy Share Image
I want to engage people in an honest, enlightened, and provocative conversation about the nature of erotic desire and the intricacies of… — Esther Perel Challenges Copy Share Image
“Armed with an ideology of love that advocates togetherness, we are awkward about pursuing autonomy. This is especially true of the individuality… — Esther Perel Desire Copy Share Image
I do consider even going to prostitutes, or seeing a hooker or an escort, as having an emotional component, even if it's… — Esther Perel Emotion Copy Share Image
You know what happens to sex in marriage? Instead of inviting desire, you monitor it. Especially men: You let her sleep late,… — Esther Perel Desire Copy Share Image
“Ours is a culture that reveres the ethos of absolute frankness and elevates truth-telling to moral perfection. Other cultures believe that when… — Esther Perel Culture Copy Share Image
“Acknowledging the third has to do with validating the erotic separateness of our partner. It follows that our partner's sexuality does not… — Esther Perel Separateness Copy Share Image
Sometimes it has to do with other longings that are much more existential. Sometimes you go elsewhere not because you are not… — Esther Perel Copy Share Image
“When the impulse to share becomes obligatory, when personal boundaries are no longer respected, when only the shared space of togetherness is… — Esther Perel Fusion Copy Share Image
The meaning of secrecy is very different when the model of love is one of transparency. So to understand the politics of… — Esther Perel Couple Copy Share Image
Modern infidelity is different than traditional infidelity and sits on top of the romantic ideal that you find "the one" and that… — Esther Perel Affair Copy Share Image
“For [erotically intelligent couples], love is a vessel that contains both security and adventure, and commitment offers one of the great luxuries… — Esther Perel Adventure Copy Share Image
For some people, the experience of sexuality is that they are entirely inside their body, but others feel they have totally transcended… — Esther Perel Ability Copy Share Image
The vast majority of unfaithful people are experiencing a conflict between their values and their behavior, and that is the mess of… — Esther Perel Affair Copy Share Image
People grow up learning to be silent about their sexuality, so where are they going to learn to talk about it when… — Esther Perel Copy Share Image
“You would think that the safety of an established base would make it easier to take these kinds of risks, but no.… — Esther Perel Copy Share Image
Women - - and men - - need to understand that a woman's transition is often much longer. The caretaker must leave… — Esther Perel Caretakers Copy Share Image
Very often we don’t go elsewhere because we are looking for another person. We go elsewhere because we are looking for another… — Esther Perel Copy Share Image
There is no sex without a cue. People who date have their cues at home, before they meet. You think about where… — Esther Perel Copy Share Image
In committed sex, in marriage, people don't feel the need to seduce or to build anticipation - - that's an effort they… — Esther Perel Copy Share Image
One of the most amazing abilities of sexuality is to momentarily transcend the borders of Self into something that is no longer… — Esther Perel Ability Copy Share Image
“It takes courage to push yourself to places that you have never been before…to test your limits…to break through barriers. And the… — Esther Perel Courage Copy Share Image
Most of us will get turned on at night by the very same things that we will demonstrate against during the day… — Esther Perel Erotic Copy Share Image
To look at infidelity from the point of view of sex is a complete narrowing of the phenomenon. There's a reason that… — Esther Perel Bible Copy Share Image
“Love enjoys knowing everything about you; desire needs mystery. Love likes to shrink the distance that exists between me and you, while… — Esther Perel Desire Copy Share Image
“Oscar Wilde wrote, “In this world there are only two tragedies. One is getting what one wants, and the other is not… — Esther Perel Desires Copy Share Image
“When I ask her if her open marriage isn’t painful, she answers, “Sometimes it is. Sometimes it’s not. But monogamy—which we never… — Esther Perel Marriage Copy Share Image
In desire, there must be some small amount of tension. And that tension comes with the unknown, the unpredictable. You can close… — Esther Perel Copy Share Image
Modern love is the enterprise that everyone wants to be a part of, yet there's a fifty percent divorce rate in round… — Esther Perel Business Copy Share Image
A # peer relationship is one where the partners experience an affectionate, companionate coupledom. They are friends. They are the product of… — Esther Perel Affectionate Copy Share Image
If you start to feel that you have given up too many parts of yourself to be with your partner, then one… — Esther Perel Copy Share Image
“Frank Jude Boccio, author of Mindfulness Yoga, to think about as he leaves the session: “We bitch about our difficulties along the… — Esther Perel Books Copy Share Image
On some level we trade passion for security, that's trading one illusion for another. It's a matter of degree. We can't live… — Esther Perel Copy Share Image
“The grand illusion of committed love is that we think our partners are ours. In truth, their separateness is unassailable, and their… — Esther Perel Copy Share Image
Affairs can be powerful detonators. They can invigorate a marriage that's flat, jolt people out of years of complacency. Fear of loss… — Esther Perel Affair Copy Share Image
Are you asking a question because you want to know the answer or are you asking the question because you want your… — Esther Perel Copy Share Image
“Given the transient nature of life, given its ceaseless flux, there is more than a hint of arrogance in the assumption that… — Esther Perel Arrogance Copy Share Image