Conan O'Brien

Let’s just agree any group of 3 or more handsome British men should be referred to as a 'cumberbatch.'

— Conan O'Brien

There are few things more liberating in this life than having your worst fear realized.

— Conan O'Brien

Don't be cynical; it leads nowhere. If you work hard, and are kind, amazing things will happen to you.

— Conan O'Brien

California had its first medical marijuana job fair. Over 2 million people meant to show up.

— Conan O'Brien

People should say 'no comment' more often. No comment! I love no comment. Let's have more no comment.

— Conan O'Brien

Your path at 22 will not necessarily be your path at 32 or 42.

— Conan O'Brien

“There is nothing more liberating than having your worst fear realized.”

— Conan O'Brien

My favorite comedy is comedy where nothing is achieved and there is no point.

— Conan O'Brien

According to the latest poll in the Washington Post, 63 percent of Americans said that so far they approve of President Bush.…

— Conan O'Brien

Hillary Clinton is now driving from New York to Iowa. It's been called the least-exciting spring break trip in history.

— Conan O'Brien

This Halloween, the most popular mask is the Arnold Schwarzenegger mask. And the best part? With a mouth full of candy you…

— Conan O'Brien

President Clinton signed a $10 million deal to write a book by 2003. Isn't that amazing? Yes, and get this, not only…

— Conan O'Brien

The U.S. unemployment rate is the lowest it's been in nearly seven years. The job sector that has seen the most growth…

— Conan O'Brien

By the power invested in me by the state of New York and the Universal Life Church, I now pronounce you husband…

— Conan O'Brien

The latest political rumor, North Korea ruler Kim Jong Il is close to naming his successor. Yeah, he said the only person…

— Conan O'Brien

When it comes to being visionary in stealing, the Republicans do better than anybody. It's really something to see.

— Conan O'Brien

Did you hear this big scandal? Eight female badminton players were expelled from the Olympics for trying to lose on purpose. So…

— Conan O'Brien

It has been reported that Rudolph Giuliani has trademarked the name 'Rudolph Giuliani' so other candidates can't use his name in negative…

— Conan O'Brien

The other day John McCain appeared on the show 'The View,' and one of the hosts accused McCain of being a liar.…

— Conan O'Brien

Kim Kardashian tweeted that she is supporting President Obama in the midterm elections. I think it worked because all of the polls…

— Conan O'Brien

Russia has named Vladimir Putin its man of the year for the 15th year in a row. Putin got 143 million votes…

— Conan O'Brien

President Obama has appointed a transgender woman to a position in the Department of Commerce. You know, in this era of partisan…

— Conan O'Brien

As you leave these gates and re-enter society, one thing is certain. Everyone out there is going to hate you. Never tell…

— Conan O'Brien

Today, former President Bill Clinton met with North Korean dictator Kim Jong-Il and convinced him to release two American journalists that have…

— Conan O'Brien

Though you should not fear failure, you should do your very best to avoid it.

— Conan O'Brien

Today Facebook went public, just as Myspace's last user went private.

— Conan O'Brien

It is our failure to become our perceived ideal that ultimately defines us and makes us unique.

— Conan O'Brien

I hate cynicism - it's my least favorite quality and it doesn't lead anywhere.

— Conan O'Brien

Early on, they were timing my contract with an egg timer.

— Conan O'Brien

I hear YouTube, Twitter and Facebook are merging to form a super Social Media site - YouTwitFace.

— Conan O'Brien

San Francisco is the only city in America where marijuana is legal but plastic bags are not.

— Conan O'Brien

If you can really laugh at yourself loud and hard every time you fall, people will think you're drunk.

— Conan O'Brien

If life gives you lemons, make some kind of fruity juice.

— Conan O'Brien

No charm, no humor, no wit -- and a personality which can only be described as 'icky.' .

— Conan O'Brien

I'll say I'm happy doing my thing. No one says 'no comment' anymore.

— Conan O'Brien

“If you work really hard, and you're kind, amazing things will happen.”

— Conan O'Brien

St.Patrick's Day is named for St. Patrick, the first guy to feed Guinness to a snake.

— Conan O'Brien

If Sony's not going to show 'The Interview,' that's it. No more North Korean movies for me.

— Conan O'Brien

Being a Dad is the greatest, except for assembling things.

— Conan O'Brien

“Disappointment leads to clarity, which leads to conviction and true originality.”

— Conan O'Brien