Clement Freud

If you resolve to give up smoking, drinking and loving, you don't actually live longer; it just seems longer.

— Clement Freud

If you mind losing more than you enjoy winning, don't bet.

— Clement Freud

I've known Nicholas Parsons for a fairly long time and his geniune pleasures are in rubber tubes, metal clips

— Clement Freud

I understand it is 13-8 against Egon Ronay publishing a Good Betting Shop Food Guide by 1997.

— Clement Freud

Breakfast is a notoriously difficult meal to serve with a flourish.

— Clement Freud

I find it hard to say, because when I was there it seemed to be shut.

— Clement Freud

I was going to talk about Nicholas Parsons' ignorance, but 18 seconds would be a wholly insufficient time.

— Clement Freud

“If you resolve to give up smoking, drinking, and loving, you don't actually live longer; it just feels longer.”

— Clement Freud

There's no law that decrees when not to whinge, but you reach a certain age - 80 seems about right - when…

— Clement Freud

It is essential that we understand people for who they are as individuals and not the public perception of them or their…

— Clement Freud

I think our police are excellent, probably because I have not done anything that has occasioned being beaten up by these good…

— Clement Freud

The depressing thing about an Englishman's traditional love of animals is the dishonesty thereof ... Get a barbed hook into the upper…

— Clement Freud

In moments of considerable strain, I tend to take to bread-and-butter pudding. There is something about the blandness of soggy bread, the…

— Clement Freud

About one thing the Englishman has a particularly strict code. If a bird says Cluk bik bik bik bik and caw you…

— Clement Freud

Wine buffs write and talk as though the food and wine will be in your mouth at the same time, that one…

— Clement Freud

To barbecue is a way of life rather than a desirable method of cooking.

— Clement Freud

Owning a racehorse is probably the most expensive way of getting on to a racecourse for nothing.

— Clement Freud

If anyone tells me I'm fat, I say, - That's because every time I make love to your wife, she gives me…

— Clement Freud

Congealed fat is pretty much the same, irrespective of the delicacy around which it is concealed.

— Clement Freud