Feelings are just like erections. The more you hide it…

Singing is a f***ing blast. When it’s really good, it’s as good as the best sex. I get nipple erections all the time on…

— Joan Osborne

“You think I can't get it up anymore, maybe? Lemme tell you, you eat enough garlic and it stands up every time.”

— Alberto Vitale

“For small erections may be finished by their first architects; grand ones, true ones, ever leave the copestone to posterity. God keep me from…

— Herman Melville

“Erections don’t equal personal growth, Trey”

— Suzanne Wright

“Of erections how few are domed like St. Peter's! of creatures, how few vast as the whale!”

— Herman Melville

Do dudes ever get erections when they wrestle with you? -Puck

— Glee

Women should not be enlightened or educated in any way. They should, in fact, be segregated as they are the cause of hideous and…

— Saint Augustine

“History shows that erections happen at the worst possible times, and they stick around until someone else notices them. Often, it is either a…

— Andrew Smith

“If working-hours were natural, then employed men would only get erections between 5 p.m. and 9 a.m. … during the week.”

— Mokokoma Mokhonoana

“I knew guys got erections. I was perfectly prepared to deal with it. When the right guy and the right erection came along.”

— Tara Altebrando

Women are such contrary creatures when it comes to sex. You parade around like scantily clad vixens but blush when you're caught staring at…

— Katie MacAlister

“Just your everyday grouping of civilized gentlemen, sitting in a round robin to discuss the events of the day with quivering erections.”

— Patrick deWitt

“-You do know to put the condom on as soon as the penis is erect, don't you? -I paid a fortune for bananas out…

— Chuck Palahniuk

“You could paint my nob tartan and call it Throb Roy.”

— Timothy Lea

“Erections, as we all know, come to the teenager on a plate.”

— Martin Amis