Snake my way into her bed? You dont' know your roomate…

Please do not strain yourself, Miss Doyle. I won't have my girls going cross-eyed in the name of art.

— Libba Bray

If you're cross-eyed and have dyslexia, can you see okay?

— John Mendoza

This woman was so cross-eyed. She can go to a tennis match and never move her head.

— Phyllis Diller

My sister Wendy has a husband and two children, and they have a family photo on top of the VCR, where they're all looking…

— Mitch Hedberg

There was once a cross-eyed teacher who couldn't control his pupils.

— Nikhil Saluja

The cross-eyed fool sees one lamp as two; The vision and the viewer are one

— Saraha

If you meet a cross-eyed person you must plunge into the grass, alongside the chilly ants, fish through the green fingernails and come up…

— Anne Sexton

“Is it worse to double park if you're cross eyed?”

— Neil Leckman

The good thing about being an artist, is it's a legitimate way of looking at things cross-eyed.

— John Chamberlain

Cross-eyed girls are hard to sneak around on, their always keeping a fucking eye on you.

— Nikhil Saluja

A woman, like a cross-eyed man, looks one way, but goes another--hence her mysteriousness.

— Austin O'Malley

I've jumped out of an airplane 34 times. I've dove 212 feet under water. I've done a lot of things that defied death.

— Jesse Ventura

Instead of finding himself in nerd heaven—where every nerd gets fifty-eight virgins to role-play with—he woke up in Robert Wood Johnson with two broken…

— Junot Diaz

“You fat fuck,” I said and jumped up and decked him. I broke his jaw, and they expelled me permanently on the spot. Naturally,”

— Charles Brandt

“That awkward moment when you jump out a window because your friend jumped out a window, then you remember that your other friend can…

— Rick Riordan