Here's how you know that you're really drunk: when you get into a taxi cab and you think the fare is the… — Dane Cook Copy Share Image
How do you fall into a lion's den, that is my first question there, you think you would be extra carefull around… — Dane Cook Copy Share Image
I do think I am funny, or I wouldn't be where I am today. I do think there is always room for… — Dane Cook Copy Share Image
When somebody says I wouldn't change a thing they're thinking of something they would change. — Dane Cook Copy Share Image
I can always get better. A lot of my ex-girlfriends don't think I'm funny. — Dane Cook Copy Share Image
It's the worst feeling when you come home alone late at night and think the stranger sitting on your couch is a… — Dane Cook Copy Share Image
Sometimes girls act all TNT Network because they know drama. That's when guys get all TBS around you because we think it's… — Dane Cook Copy Share Image
I think that people who do enjoy my stand-up comedy and the people who get it and the people who are taken… — Dane Cook Copy Share Image
When I'm wrong I'm like the Emperor on the Death Star thinking he'll turn Luke. Yet, when I'm right I'm a Jedi… — Dane Cook Copy Share Image
When a guy says "I have no idea what you're talking about" it means "I'm thinking of exactly what you're saying I… — Dane Cook Copy Share Image
No one wants to drown. Drowning would be the worst. Cause everyone knows that feeling. That feeling, oh it's the worst... when… — Dane Cook Copy Share Image
Text a guy you like right now, "I'm thinking about you." If he says, "mmm are you in bed?" Never speak to… — Dane Cook Copy Share Image
If you're drunk please don't drive. If you're on shrooms please don't think Walmart's a prison for bad clothing that needs help… — Dane Cook Copy Share Image
If you think your demeanor is mellow or not particularly charismatic, the material can life you higher. So write everyday, and get… — Dane Cook Copy Share Image
If my voice can resonate that way with kids, maybe it will resonate through 'Planes' as well, and they'll hear that little… — Dane Cook Copy Share Image
My advice is: to try and stay really true to the things that make YOU laugh, as opposed to trying to create… — Dane Cook Copy Share Image
After you have loss in your life and after you experience something like losing your parents, the greatest gift of that was… — Dane Cook Copy Share Image
Because of what I experienced when I was a kid, I want kids to have that kind of an epiphany moment, that… — Dane Cook Copy Share Image
I feel like people who don't brag are trying to make you jealous by thinking they're hiding something more even exciting. — Dane Cook Copy Share Image
Some people give you that motivation to work harder simply to get the hell away from wherever they are. — Dane Cook Copy Share
Every great thing starts with an idea, followed by a doubt and finally a resolve to abandon or pursue. Victory is a treacherous journey. — Dane Cook Copy Share
My real first job was delivering newspapers with I was 15. I would ride my bike around and chuck papers at people's houses. The… — Dane Cook Copy Share
I do think I am funny, or I wouldn't be where I am today. I do think there is always room for improvement and… — Dane Cook Copy Share
If you think your demeanor is mellow or not particularly charismatic, the material can life you higher. So write everyday, and get onstage or… — Dane Cook Copy Share
If you lie to a person at least tell someone else you've lied to the truth. It balances out your karma. — Dane Cook Copy Share
Trolls look for reasons to hate but really what they are mad at is the fact they are not included in anything ever. — Dane Cook Copy Share
In school I was pretty quiet. Kinda shy until my junior year. But at home I was a freak. — Dane Cook Copy Share
Strip clubs are great places to meet interesting people you only wanna know for about 40 minutes. — Dane Cook Copy Share
I can't relate to the idea of suicide. I guess I'm just one of those people that is always optimistic and upbeat. But one… — Dane Cook Copy Share
Someone needs to make a zombie movie where when you get bit it turns you into a singing and dancing extraordinaire. — Dane Cook Copy Share
![“After you have loss in your life and after you experience something like losing your parents, the greatest gift of that was it prepared me for [anything]. Nothing else is as scary, and certainly stand-up comedy is not as scary as sitting there with your mom and having to have last conversations…” quote by Dane Cook](https://sms4smile.com/q/img-quotes/2cf/dane-cook-1394_comedy_after-you-have-loss-in-your-life-and-aft_1568890.png)
![“Because of what I experienced when I was a kid, I want kids to have that kind of an epiphany moment, that little jolt, that little spark that they see when Dusty ['Planes'] flies higher than he has before. That scene where he flies straight up, and he's starting to get dizzy, and then finally it…” quote by Dane Cook](https://sms4smile.com/q/img-quotes/591/dane-cook-1394_adults_because-of-what-i-experienced-when-i-was_1626727.jpg)
