There are “well-known secrets” out there and there are people who are “so happy they could die.” Sometimes people are so sad… — Ellen DeGeneres Copy Share Image
I know that every time I list something that I am, I am potentially alienating a whole group of people. Publicists and… — Ellen DeGeneres Copy Share Image
The first time probably people really were aware of me, I unfortunately had the title of Showtime's Funniest Person in America. And… — Ellen DeGeneres Copy Share Image
Most comedy is based on getting a laugh at somebody else's expense. And I find that that's just a form of bullying… — Ellen DeGeneres Copy Share Image
Trying to get the talk show, looking back on it, we had to beg a lot of station managers to pick up… — Ellen DeGeneres Copy Share Image
While I was doing stand-up, I thought I knew for sure that success meant getting everyone to like me. So I became… — Ellen DeGeneres Copy Share Image
I had everything I'd hoped for, but I wasn't being myself. So I decided to be honest about who I was. It… — Ellen DeGeneres Copy Share Image
I hope I make people feel better. I hope I take people out of their situations a little bit and make them… — Ellen DeGeneres Copy Share Image
If your Birthday is on Christmas day and you're not Jesus, you should start telling people your birthday is on June 9… — Ellen DeGeneres Copy Share Image
I don't know what people are scared of...maybe they think their children will be influenced by gay marriage, but I've got to… — Ellen DeGeneres Copy Share Image
Way, way back in the day, like in the 1990s, if you wanted to tell everyone you ate waffles for breakfast, you… — Ellen DeGeneres Copy Share Image
The only thing I really recommend, if you're starting out in stand-up is to not try to copy anybody else. You can… — Ellen DeGeneres Copy Share Image
Laugh. Laugh as much as you can. Laugh until you cry. Cry until you laugh. Keep doing it even if people are… — Ellen DeGeneres Copy Share Image
Who's to say what's better or worse anyway? Who's to even say what's normal or average? We're all different people and we're… — Ellen DeGeneres Copy Share Image
You know, if you're going to be honest with yourself, you have to admit that you go into show business wanting people… — Ellen DeGeneres Copy Share Image
And we certainly don't have full conversations on cellphones. You know? Usually the reception is so bad, but it's only bad on… — Ellen DeGeneres Copy Share Image
I think people talk too much anyway. Sometimes people are talking to me and in my mind I'm just like “shut up,… — Ellen DeGeneres Copy Share Image
So many people prefer to live in drama because it's comfortable. It's like someone staying in a bad marriage or relationship -… — Ellen DeGeneres Copy Share Image
I just like observing people - it's something I've done ever since I was a kid, and I got really good at… — Ellen DeGeneres Copy Share Image
People are constantly asking Portia and me if we are going to have children. We thought about it. We love to be… — Ellen DeGeneres Copy Share Image
Don't you hate when people are late to work. And they always have the worst excuses. "Oh, I'm sorry I'm late, traffic."… — Ellen DeGeneres Copy Share Image
I prefer to believe that people are good and honest and respect me enough to tell me the truth. It's not easy… — Ellen DeGeneres Copy Share Image
My dream guests are really not so much celebrities. They're people who are actually interesting and they're doing something interesting with their… — Ellen DeGeneres Copy Share Image
The song 'If I Had a Hammer' is geared toward people who don't have a hammer. Maybe before I had a hammer… — Ellen DeGeneres Copy Share Image
I had no intention of becoming a comedian. I just wanted to make people happy. I tried everything-I shucked oysters, I painted… — Ellen DeGeneres Copy Share Image
You have to have funny faces and words, you can't just have words. It is a powerful thing, and I think that's… — Ellen DeGeneres Copy Share Image
You talk to some people who are opposed to same sex marriage, and they'll say, 'If we allow that, what's next? Will… — Ellen DeGeneres Copy Share Image
It's hard when paparazzi are photographing every single thing you do. I'm sure a lot of people made mistakes - they just… — Ellen DeGeneres Copy Share Image
Contribute to the world. Help people. Help one person. Help someone cross the street today. Help someone with directions unless you have… — Ellen DeGeneres Copy Share Image
The problem with labels is that they lead to stereotypes and stereotypes lead to generalizations and generalizations lead to assumptions and assumptions… — Ellen DeGeneres Copy Share Image
And the bottom line is we are who we are-we look a certain way, we talk a certain way, we walk a… — Ellen DeGeneres Copy Share Image
I wanted to have money; I wanted to be special; I wanted people to like me; I wanted to be famous. — Ellen DeGeneres Copy Share
I think what saved me is me being honest. I think I somewhow had the courage to do something and say something that I… — Ellen DeGeneres Copy Share
I think there's too much mult-tasking going on. I think people need to quiet down and focus and be still more. — Ellen DeGeneres Copy Share
We can sit and worry about what's going to happen to us two weeks from now. I'd rather focus on the amazing things happening… — Ellen DeGeneres Copy Share
It's our challenges and obstacles that give us layers of depth and make us interesting. Are they fun when they happen? No. But they… — Ellen DeGeneres Copy Share
I had done a sitcom and a movie and hosted the Emmys, and all of a sudden, I lost everything. As someone put it… — Ellen DeGeneres Copy Share
The thing everyone should realize is that the key to happiness is being happy for yourself and yourself. — Ellen DeGeneres Copy Share
Save a life this Thanksgiving, and join me in starting a new tradition by adopting a turkey instead of eating one through Farm Sanctuary's… — Ellen DeGeneres Copy Share
Answers to Frequently Asked Questions: Yes. Yes. No. One time in high school. Three times in my twenties. Rocks no salt. Yes. Four. Never.… — Ellen DeGeneres Copy Share
Actually this is really funny - one time she accidentally forgot to leave a note and I had no idea she had even moved.… — Ellen DeGeneres Copy Share
A circus! 100 clowns of injustice have climbed out of the tiny clown car of this court room. — Ellen DeGeneres Copy Share
Gratitude is looking on the brighter side of the life, even if it means hurting your eyes. — Ellen DeGeneres Copy Share
The legend goes that St. Patrick drove the snakes out of Ireland. I was thinking... that must be hard to put all the tiny… — Ellen DeGeneres Copy Share
Quick decision makers are often stuck behind annoying people in line at Starbucks. — Ellen DeGeneres Copy Share
