Most men are secretly still mad at their mothers for throwing away their comic books. They would be valuable now. — Rita Rudner Copy Share Image
Men hate to lose. I once beat my husband at tennis. I asked him, "Are we going to have sex again?" He… — Rita Rudner Copy Share Image
Marrying a divorced man is ecologically responsible; in a world where there are more women than men, it pays to recycle. — Rita Rudner Copy Share Image
When men break up they want to remain friends. Why? Why can't they just get lost? — Rita Rudner Copy Share Image
Be careful of men who are bald and rich; the arrogance of "rich" usually cancels out the nice of "bald". — Rita Rudner Copy Share Image
Men are very confident people. Even a sixty-year-old man with no arms thinks he could play in the Super Bowl if he… — Rita Rudner Copy Share Image
Men like cars, women like clothes. Women only like cars because they take them to clothes. — Rita Rudner Copy Share Image
If it's attention you want, don't get involved with a man during play-off season. — Rita Rudner Copy Share Image
Men have higher body temperatures than women. If your heating goes out in winter, I recommend sleeping next to a man. Men… — Rita Rudner Copy Share Image
Men will now get up and walk with the baby in the middle of the night, change its diapers, and give it… — Rita Rudner Copy Share Image
My parents were glad to see that my new husband looks like a 'regular guy'-no earring or anything. But really I think… — Rita Rudner Copy Share Image
Eye contact is a method utilised by a single woman to communicate to a man that she is interested in him. Many… — Rita Rudner Copy Share Image
If you're dating a man who you think might be "Mr. Right," if he a) got older, b) got a new job,… — Rita Rudner Copy Share Image
My cousin just got married for the totally wrong reasons. She married a man for money. She wasn't real subtle about it.… — Rita Rudner Copy Share Image
Men have better self-images than women. You know what I've never seen in a men's magazine? A makeover. — Rita Rudner Copy Share Image
Men are less sentimental than women. No man has ever seen the movie THE WAY WE WERE twice, voluntarily. — Rita Rudner Copy Share Image
Only men who have worn a ski suit understand how complicated it is for a woman to go to the bathroom when… — Rita Rudner Copy Share Image
Men have an easier time buying bathing suits. Women have two types: depressing and more depressing. Men have two types: nerdy and… — Rita Rudner Copy Share Image
Men are brave enough to go to war, but they are not brave enough to get a bikini wax. — Rita Rudner Copy Share Image
Men don't live well by themselves. They don't even live like people. They live like bears with furniture. — Rita Rudner Copy Share Image
Most women are introspective: "Am I in love? Am I emotionally and creatively fulfilled?" Most men are outrospective: "Did my team win?… — Rita Rudner Copy Share Image
Husband: a man who buys his football tickets four months in advance and waits until the day before his anniversary to buy… — Rita Rudner Copy Share Image
All men think that they're nice guys. Some of them are not. Contact me for a list of names. — Rita Rudner Copy Share Image
A good place to meet a man is at the dry cleaner. These men usually have jobs and bathe. — Rita Rudner Copy Share Image
Men who have a pierced ear are better prepared for marriage - they've experienced pain and bought jewelry. — Rita Rudner Copy Share Image
The way a man looks at himself in a mirror will tell you if he can ever care about anyone else. — Rita Rudner Copy Share Image
Men forget everything; women remember everything. That's why men need instant replays in sports. They've already forgotten what happened. — Rita Rudner Copy Share Image
Don't try to teach men how to do anything in public. They can learn in private; in public they have to know. — Rita Rudner Copy Share Image
Individuality in dressing is not important to men. If they all look alike it means they haven't made a mistake. — Rita Rudner Copy Share Image
Men who can eat anything they want and not gain weight should do it out of sight of the women they're married… — Rita Rudner Copy Share Image
I worry about Las Vegas schools. I hear in math, they only teach them to count to 21. — Rita Rudner Copy Share
Most men are secretly still mad at their mothers for throwing away their comic books. They would be valuable now. — Rita Rudner Copy Share
Going out to eat is expensive. I was out at one restaurant and they didn't have prices on the menu. Just faces with different… — Rita Rudner Copy Share
Men are very confident people. Even a sixty-year-old man with no arms thinks he could play in the Super Bowl if he had to. — Rita Rudner Copy Share
Envy the kangaroo. That pouch setup is extraordinary; the baby crawls out of the womb when it is about two inches long, gets into… — Rita Rudner Copy Share
The way a man looks at himself in a mirror will tell you if he can ever care about anyone else. — Rita Rudner Copy Share
They usually have two tellers in my local bank, except when it's very busy, when they have one. — Rita Rudner Copy Share
When you're a dancer, you start with the basics. You don't all of a sudden do a grand jete and pirouette. You start with… — Rita Rudner Copy Share
Men are self-confident because they grow up identifying with super-heroes. Women have bad self-images because they grow up identifying with Barbie. — Rita Rudner Copy Share
We've begun to long for the pitter-patter of little feet - so we bought a dog. Well, it's cheaper, and you get more feet. — Rita Rudner Copy Share
... life is broken down into these stages: you're born and you don't know how anything works; gradually you find out how everything works;… — Rita Rudner Copy Share
We live in Los Angeles, where you are expected to move every two to four years, so people can see how well your career… — Rita Rudner Copy Share
A good place to meet a man is at the dry cleaner. These men usually have jobs and bathe. — Rita Rudner Copy Share
I have been doing leg lifts faithfully for about fifteen years, and the only thing that has gotten thinner is the carpet where I… — Rita Rudner Copy Share
