Give an Irishman lager for a month and he's a dead man. An Irishman's stomach is lined with copper, and the beer… — Mark Twain Copy Share Image
Always acknowledge a fault. This will throw those in authority off their guard and give you an opportunity to commit more. — Mark Twain Copy Share Image
Hotels are the only proper places for lecturers. When I am ill-natured I so enjoy the freedom of a hotel where I… — Mark Twain Copy Share Image
“THANKSGIVING DAY. Let us all give humble, hearty, and sincere thanks now, but the turkeys. In the island of Fiji they do… — Mark Twain Copy Share Image
It has taken a weary long time to persuade American Presbyterians to give up infant damnation and try to bear it the… — Mark Twain Copy Share Image
I persuaded him to throw the dirk away; and it was as easy as persuading a child to give up some bright… — Mark Twain Copy Share Image
There is no such thing as a new idea. It is impossible. We simply take a lot of old ideas and put… — Mark Twain Copy Share Image
In religion, India is the only millionaire... the One land that all men desire to see, and having seen once, by even… — Mark Twain Copy Share Image
A marriage...makes of two fractional lives a whole; it gives to two purposeless lives a work, and doubles the strength of each… — Mark Twain Copy Share Image
A man who keeps company with glaciers comes to feel tolerably insignificiant by and by. The Alps and the glaciers together are… — Mark Twain Copy Share Image
Man has imagined a heaven, and has left entirely out of it the supremest of all his delights...sexual intercourse!...His heaven is like… — Mark Twain Copy Share Image
I bring you this stately matron named Christendom, returning bedraggled, besmirched, and dishonored from pirate raids in Kiao-Chow, Manchuria, South Africa, and… — Mark Twain Copy Share Image
Sane and intelligent human beings are like all other human beings, and carefully and cautiously and diligently conceal their private real opinions… — Mark Twain Copy Share Image
Dates are hard to remember because they consist of figures; figures are monotonously unstriking in appearance, and they don't take hold, they… — Mark Twain Copy Share Image
Sing like no one's listening, love like you've never been hurt, dance like nobody's watching, and live like its heaven on earth. — Mark Twain Copy Share
If you had made the acquiring of ignorance the study of your life, you could not have graduated with higher honor than you could… — Mark Twain Copy Share
“The Creator sat upon the throne, thinking. Behind him stretched the illimitable continent of heaven, steeped in a glory of light and color; before… — Mark Twain Copy Share
A man accustomed to American food and American domestic cookery would not starve to death suddenly in Europe, but I think he would gradually… — Mark Twain Copy Share
I never write Metropolis for seven cents because I can get the same price for city. I never write policeman because I can get… — Mark Twain Copy Share
The higher animals get their teeth without pain or inconvenience. Man gets his through months and months of cruel torture; he will never get… — Mark Twain Copy Share
“As far as I can see, Italy, for fifteen hundred years, has turned all her energies, all her finances, and all her industry to… — Mark Twain Copy Share
Many public-school children seem to know only two dates—1492 and 4th of July; and as a rule they don't know what happened on either… — Mark Twain Copy Share
If we could imagine such a man, that is a man who could invent the fly and send him out on his mission and… — Mark Twain Copy Share
You perceive, now, that these things are all impossible except in a dream. You perceive that they are pure and puerile insanities, the silly… — Mark Twain Copy Share
Lord save us all from a hope tree that has lost the faculty of putting out blossoms. — Mark Twain Copy Share
