For every studen with a spark of brilliance, there are about ten with ignition trouble. — Milton Berle Copy Share Image
The human brain is special. It starts working as soon as you get up and it doesn't stop until you get to… — Milton Berle Copy Share Image
I bought my kid an educational toy to help him make it through life. No matter how you put it together, it's… — Milton Berle Copy Share Image
I just read about a schoolteacher who got hurt. She was grading papers on a curve! — Milton Berle Copy Share Image
Some kids want to know why the teachers get paid when it's the kids who have to do all the work. — Milton Berle Copy Share Image
Nowadays, when a speaker tells the graduates that the future is theirs--is that a promise or a threat? — Milton Berle Copy Share Image
I don't worry too much about sex education in the schools. If the kids learn it like they do everything else, they… — Milton Berle Copy Share Image
When I was in school, one of my teachers was crazy about me. I once heard her tell another teacher, "I wish… — Milton Berle Copy Share Image
One teacher recently retired with a half-million dollars after 30 years of working hard, caring, dedicating herself and totally immensing herself in… — Milton Berle Copy Share Image
This is how it is today: The teachers are afraid of the principals. The principals are afraid of the superintendents. The superintendents… — Milton Berle Copy Share Image
A man falls down a flight of stairs and somebody rushes over to him and asks, Did you miss a step? No, he answers,… — Milton Berle Copy Share
Anytime a person goes into a delicatessen and orders a pastrami on white bread, somewhere a Jew dies. — Milton Berle Copy Share
Like every comedian, if I heard a joke that I thought would work, I used it. — Milton Berle Copy Share
When I was in school, one of my teachers was crazy about me. I once heard her tell another teacher, "I wish he was… — Milton Berle Copy Share
I'd rather be a could-be if I cannot be an are; because a could-be is a maybe who is reaching for a star. I'd… — Milton Berle Copy Share
Every year my boss used to give me a bottle of expensive brandy because I'd told him that my doctor suggested a drink once… — Milton Berle Copy Share
The problem with life is, by the time you can read women like a book, your library card has expired. — Milton Berle Copy Share
I don't mind personal insults, but when you insult the jokes that I tell you're insulting Fred Allen, Bob Hope, Burns and Allen, Trevor… — Milton Berle Copy Share
I like to think of myself as the middleman between Fred Allen and Henny Youngman. — Milton Berle Copy Share
What an orchestra! They just sit there, but their minds are thousands of miles away with their bookies. — Milton Berle Copy Share
I was in a department store and I saw a weird-looking gadget. I asked the young saleslady what it was. She answered, "It doesn't… — Milton Berle Copy Share
