I hate comics that try to change the world. That's not my job. That's for the king. I'm the jester. I'm there… — Ralphie May Copy Share Image
I want more stand-up comics in prime time. It's great for every comedian. — Ralphie May Copy Share Image
I'm topical as hell. That's not going to change if I lose weight. There are a lot of comics that do 'fat… — Ralphie May Copy Share Image
I loved 'Celebrity Fit Club,' working out six days a week, running a mile and a half three times a week, and doing 1,000… — Ralphie May Copy Share
I mean, comics fear sue - you know, lawsuits and stuff like that, just because they don't like to do paperwork. — Ralphie May Copy Share
People have been calling me names and setting me back my whole life. And with every fight it's just given me more fuel to… — Ralphie May Copy Share
I got kids now... It gives you an empathetic feeling into other cultures and stuff. — Ralphie May Copy Share
Comedy is not about appearance; it's about rockin' a mike. Are they laughing? That's the only test. — Ralphie May Copy Share
My jokes aren't predicated on my weight that much. I talk about it some, but it's definitely not the focus, so I don't feel… — Ralphie May Copy Share
I grew up in a little town in Arkansas called Clarksville and it was a weird existence, you know? I grew up white trash;… — Ralphie May Copy Share
You talk to - I had a good fortune of getting to spend a lot of time with Uncle Miltie and guys like Buddy… — Ralphie May Copy Share
The iPhone rules, but it does everything but get a call, you know? I can't tell you how many times my wife has been… — Ralphie May Copy Share
I don't go to comedy clubs unless I'm working. And when I do work, I come in, I do my time and I leave.… — Ralphie May Copy Share
