““But the disastrous walk reminded me that I had reached an age where only careful planning and a steady eye would keep me safe - in the woods, and in my life. I needed to stay alert, to find my bearings, if I was to avoid wasting time walking in circles. I couldn't stumble into old age the way I had through my front door, not quite knowing how I got there. And yet, in a way that I could not define, the best of me - as well as the worst - was inextricably tied up with a love of the accidental and unexpected. I had never been the sort of person who made five-year plans, or saved for a mortgage, or even kept a date book. I admired people like that, I envied them, but I had never wanted to be like them. I had led a life in which I had made few thoughtful decisions, and yes, it had cost me dearly in many ways, but it had also brought me a great happiness, and in the end it was simply who I was. For me, the miraculous had forever been bound up in the random; what if the elements crucial to growing old in a way that wasn't self-deluded were antithetical to what I needed to be happy?””
