Boyhood Quote by Leo Tolstoy
““Before and after the funeral I never ceased to cry and be miserable, but it makes me ashamed when I think back on that sadness of mine, seeing that always in it was an element of self-love - now a desire to show that I prayed more than any one else, now concern about the impression I was producing on others, now an aimless curiosity which caused me to observe Mimi's cap or the faces of those around me. I despised myself for not experiencing sorrow to the exclusion of everything else, and I tried to conceal all other feelings: this made my grief insincere and unnatural. Moreover, I felt a kind of enjoyment in knowing that I was unhappy and I tried to stimulate my sense of unhappiness, and this interest in myself did more than anything else to stifle real sorrow in me.””
About This Quote
Source Novel: Anna Karenina, 1877
The narrator reflects on how grief becomes self‑serving when it is used to impress others or to indulge in self‑pity, preventing authentic sorrow.
In simple terms: Grief turns selfish when used for image or self‑interest.
Key Takeaway
Seek genuine feeling, not self‑focused sorrow.
Themes
grief
self‑image
authenticity
humility
Mood
reflective
somber
Type
philosophical
literary
When to use this quote
- funeral mourning
- personal reflection
- therapy sessions
- spiritual practice
Key Concepts
psychology
existentialism
self‑deception
Questions to Reflect On
- How does concern for others’ perception shape your mourning?
- Can you experience sorrow without self‑interest?
A Different Perspective
Self‑focused grief can mask true healing and may hinder emotional growth.
![“[S]ociety often tends to make those of us in grief feel shame and embarrassment about our feelings of grief. "Shame can be described as feeling that something you are doing is bad. And you may feel that if you mourn, then you should be ashamed. If you are perceived as 'doing well' with your grief…” quote by Alan D. Wolfelt](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/img-quotes/232/alan-d-wolfelt-77279_grief_s-ociety-often-tends-to-make-those-of-us_1331641.jpg)
