Phone calls Quote by Julian Boon
““It is crucial to establish early in treatment that the victim has actually conveyed, in unambiguous terms, that they do not want the stalker’s attentions. Victims may not understand that many stalkers are socially incompetent and will fail to grasp obvious, let alone subtle, social cues. Words to the effect of: “I do not want a relationship with you” require no additional explanation, and any attempts to elaborate will only give the stalker the opportunity to challenge the victim’s decision. Victims are discouraged from making statements like: “I’m not interested in/too busy for a relationship right now” (stalker reads “but she will be later”), or “I already have a boyfriend (stalker reads “She’d have me if he wasn’t in the way”). (...) Where appropriate these words should be delivered directly and in person, and in a public or other safe venue. (...) There may be an initial escalation in the stalker’s intrusions as a consequence of the thwarted contact so it is necessary to reinforce the perils of giving in to frustration. Victims must be warned that if a stalker phones them 100 times and the victim finally loses her resolve and responds, the stalker has learnt that persistence (indeed, 101 phone calls) pays off.””
About This Quote
Explicitly stating a firm, unambiguous refusal to a stalker prevents misinterpretation and discourages persistence, because stalkers often misread vague or conditional language as a challenge.
In simple terms: Clear, direct refusal stops stalker’s misreading of cues.
Key Takeaway
Unambiguous rejection thwarts stalker’s persistence.
Themes
personal safety
communication
boundary setting
psychology of stalking
risk management
Mood
determined
cautious
assertive
Type
advice
warning
instruction
When to use this quote
- initial contact with a stalker
- receiving repeated unwanted messages
- public safety settings
- victim counseling sessions
Key Concepts
direct communication
social incompetence of stalkers
escalation risk
victim empowerment
Practical Applications
- law enforcement briefing on victim statements
- training modules for domestic violence advocates
Questions to Reflect On
- How can victims ensure their refusal is perceived as final?
- What support systems help reinforce a victim’s resolve after a stalker’s escalation?
A Different Perspective
null
