Defensiveness Quote by Jeff Feldhahn
““When things get personal, we need to resist the natural male instinct to run for cover, man the defenses, or--worst of all--reach for the big guns. Much better to set aside our natural defensiveness and focus on listening well even though we feel under attack. Because we're probably not.””
About This Quote
When confronted with personal criticism, we should suppress defensive impulses and prioritize listening, as the perceived attack is often unfounded.
In simple terms: Choose listening over defensiveness.
Key Takeaway
Defensiveness hinders understanding.
Themes
communication
emotional intelligence
conflict resolution
self-awareness
leadership
Mood
reflective
calm
assertive
Type
advice
insight
When to use this quote
- receiving feedback
- team disagreements
- personal criticism
- high‑stakes negotiations
Key Concepts
defensiveness
listening
perception
emotional regulation
Practical Applications
- coaching sessions
- conflict mediation
Questions to Reflect On
- How might you practice listening when you feel attacked?
- What evidence suggests the threat is imagined?
A Different Perspective
Some argue that immediate self‑defense can protect one's boundaries and prevent manipulation.
![“If there were a man who dared to say all that he thought of this world there would not be left him a square foot of ground to stand on [. . .]If now and then we encounter pages that explode, pages that wound and sear, that wring groans and tears and curses, know that they come from a man with his…” quote by Henry Miller](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/img-quotes/081/henry-miller-179_thought_if-there-were-a-man-who-dared-to-say-all_3037934.jpg)
![“Learning, and especially unlearning, can take place only in the absence of defensiveness… [W]e can drop our defenses only when we love and are loved.” quote by William Sloane Coffin](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/img-quotes/4c4/william-sloane-coffin-4839_defensiveness_learning-and-especially-unlearning-can-t_396751.jpg)