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Fought Quote by Erica Jong

“We also fought about everything -- like real sisters. We fought about money, bedrooms, whose car to take. Everyone of these fights was actually about something else -- usually abandonment. I wanted to be first on her list and she wanted to be first on mine. I wanted all her attention, all her…” quote by Erica Jong
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““We also fought about everything -- like real sisters. We fought about money, bedrooms, whose car to take. Everyone of these fights was actually about something else -- usually abandonment. I wanted to be first on her list and she wanted to be first on mine. I wanted all her attention, all her love, all her care. I wanted her to be my mommy, my daddy, my sister. She wanted the same from me. She wanted to be fed, cared for, nurtured without limit. She wanted backrubs, poems, pastas, and to be left alone when she needed to be left alone. She wanted to come before my writing, my child, my man. And I wanted no less from her. She was sick at first, so I took care of her. Then I was jealous of the attention and she took care of me. We had gone down into the primal cave of our friendship. we had felt loved enough to rage and fight, to show the inside of our naked throats and our bared fags, and the friendship took another leap toward intimacy. Without rage, intimacy can't be.””

Erica Jong

About This Quote

Source Interview: The Art of Writing, Erica Jong, 1995

The quote describes how deep friendships can involve intense conflict that actually reflects underlying needs for love, care, and fear of abandonment, and that such raw emotion is a prerequisite for true intimacy.

In simple terms: Friendship fights hide deeper needs for love and belonging.

Key Takeaway

Embrace honest conflict to deepen intimacy.

Themes

friendship intimacy conflict emotional needs vulnerability

Mood

reflective intense hopeful

Type

personal relationship psychological

When to use this quote

  • close friendships
  • caregiver relationships
  • creative collaborations
  • family dynamics
  • personal growth

Key Concepts

attachment theory psychology of relationships emotional honesty

Questions to Reflect On

  • What hidden needs drive your arguments?
  • How can you turn rivalry into deeper connection?
A Different Perspective

If conflict is suppressed, intimacy may remain superficial.

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