Anger Quote by Dan Kindlon
““We build emotional literacy, first, by being able to identify and name our emotions; second, by recognizing the emotional content of voice and facial expression, or body language; and, third, by understanding the situations or reactions that produce emotional states. By this we mean becoming aware of the link between loss and sadness, between frustration and anger, or threats to pride or self-esteem and fear. In our experience with families, we find that most girls get lots of encouragement from an early age to be emotionally literate—to be reflective and expressive of their own feelings and to be encouragement, and their emotional illiteracy shows, at a young age, when they act responsive to the feelings of others. Many boys do not receive this kind of with careless disregard for the feelings of others at home, at school, or on the playground. Mothers are often shocked by the ferocity of anger displayed by little boys, their sons of four or five who shout in their faces, or call them names, or even try to hit them. One of the most common complaints about boys is that the are aggressive and 'seem not to care.' We have heard the same complaint from veteran teachers who are stunned by the power of boy anger and disruption in their classes. Too often, adults excuse this behavior as harmless 'immaturity,' as if maturity will arrive someday—like puberty—to transform a boy's emotional life. But we do boys no favor by ignoring the underlying absence of awareness. Boys' emotional ignorance clearly imposes on others, but it costs them dearly, too.””
About This Quote
Source Book: Raising Cain: Protecting the Emotional Life of Boys, Dan Kindlon, 2001
Emotional literacy requires naming feelings, reading non‑verbal cues, and linking emotions to triggers; boys often lack this, leading to aggression and social harm.
In simple terms: Identify, recognize, and understand emotions to improve relationships.
Teach boys emotional awareness early.
Themes
Mood
Type
When to use this quote
- family discussions
- school curricula
- coach training
- parent workshops
Key Concepts
Questions to Reflect On
- How can we make emotional learning appealing to boys?
- What role do peers play in modeling emotional literacy?
Boys may resist vulnerability, limiting effectiveness.