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- The White House said today that Judge Clarence Thomas, President Bush's Supreme Court nominee, had smoked marijuana while in college. — Clarence Thomas
- The IRS said today anyone with a refund coming from their 2001 taxes will lose it if they don't pick it up… — Jay Leno
- A dead body was discovered this week on the grounds of a country estate owned by Queen Elizabeth. The queen said today… — Jay Leno
- Barack Obama said today that politics has become too gummed up by money and influence ... and then he had to leave… — Jay Leno
- Vice President Joe Biden said today that 'Syria must be held accountable.' Unfortunately, the Obama administration has never employed an accountant, so… — Jay Leno
- "The land of unlimited opportunity was for me, for a long time, impossible to reach. The wall, barbed wire and the order… — Angela Merkel
- The Bush administration said today there is a lot of support for us to attack Iraq. Exxon, Mobil, Texaco, Chevron, they're all… — Jay Leno
- Bush reiterated his stand to conservatives opposing his decision on stem cell research. He said today he believes life begins at conception… — Jay Leno
- In a thousand years time this day will have existed for a thousand years to the day. And the ignorance of the… — Marguerite Duras
- Speak what you think today in hard words and tomorrow speak what tomorrow thinks in hard words again, though it contradict every… — Ralph Waldo Emerson
- Bush said today he is being stalked. He said wherever he goes, people are following him. Finally, someone told him, 'Psst. That's… — Jay Leno
- Tick tock hear the clock countdown Wish the minute hand could be rewound So much to do and so much I need… — Skillet