Funny Christmas Card Quotes
- The main reason Santa is so jolly is because he knows where all the bad girls live. — George Carlin
- Mail your packages early so the post office can lose them in time for Christmas. — Johnny Carson
- I never believed in Santa Claus because I knew no white dude would come into my neighborhood after dark. — Dick Gregory
- What I don't like about office Christmas parties is looking for a job the next day. — Phyllis Diller
- I once bought my kids a set of batteries for Christmas with a note on it saying, toys not included. — Bernard Manning
- Santa Claus wears a Red Suit, he must be a communist. And a beard and long hair, must be a pacifist. What's in that pipe… — Arlo Guthrie
- Anyone who believes that men are the equal of women has never seen a man trying to wrap a Christmas present — Publilius Syrus
- Adele might set fire to rain... But SpongeBob can make a campfire under water. cx — Unknown Author
- The one thing women don't want to find in their stockings on Christmas morning is their husband. — Joan Rivers
- I stopped believing in Santa Claus when my mother took me to see him in a department store, and he asked for my autograph. — Shirley Temple
- Santa Claus has the right idea. Visit people once a year. — Victor Borge
- Christmas is a time when you get homesick...even when you're home. — Unknown Author
- Roses are reddish, Violets are bluish, If it werent for Christmas, Wed all be Jewish. — Benny Hill
- When you stop believing in Santa Claus is when you start getting clothes for Christmas! — Hussein Nishah