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Humor Quote by C.D. Payne

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““Fuel-efficient my big engine is not. I drove 38 miles and burned through more than a quarter-tank of expensive premium gas. Every time I accelerated I could sense a Saudi Arabian somewhere was smiling.””

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Humor

More by C.D. Payne

One of the tragic consequences of divorce is that the kids are legally obligated by the courts to spend a fixed amount of time…

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“As much as I think about sex, I can only with extreme difficulty conceive of myself actually performing the act. And here's another thing…

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I have found that people who can successfully resist temptation invariably lead depressingly stunted lives.

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Now I know why women get their ears pierced. Once they've survived this ordeal of mutilation, they can face the discomforts of childbirth with…

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Consider, if you will, the morning boner. What a metaphor of hope and renewal! How can anyone give way to despair when one’s groin…

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Confession can be good for the soul, but it can exact a heavy toll on friendships.

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Do you suppose the human race invented boredom to make the prospect of death more palatable?

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“Dwayne! Don't be ridiculous. Guy's don't share their girlfriends.' Why not?' Because they don't. Men are instinctually competitive. It's so there'll be lots of…

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“I've decided Mom's boyfriends are a lot like U.S. Presidents. You keep thinking they can't get any worse. And then she comes up with…

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I take it, then, Vijay, you are still a virgin?'Yes, and I find it extremely galling. When Gandhi was my age he had already…

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Explore all 11 C.D. Payne quotes

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'Mad TV' is one of my most favorite shows of all time and is a huge part of my obsession with sketch comedy.

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When you step out and do a song in a musical, the easier thing to do is make it funny. But when those transitions…

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Joking about violence is not funny.

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In my opinion, sexiness comes down to three things: chemistry, sense of humor, and treatment of waitstaff at restaurants.

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“...I haven't guessed where your shirt is from yet Bane, but I don't think it'll matter once it's underwater!' Tristan looked at Bane questioningly.…

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“Be careful about reading health books. Some fine day you'll die of a misprint.”

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“Not wise, perhaps, to be rude to the Pope's favorite son, but my viper tongue still required a fool now and then on which…

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In the future, I would like to do more films with contemporary themes. Perhaps comedy, which is something I have done in theater but…

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“[S]ometimes, when you are a food person, the possible irrelevance of what you are doing doesn’t cross your mind until it’s too late. (Once,…

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If you were to send a werewolf to the moon, would he be a werewolf permanently?

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“I only have two words to say More or Less”

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“ “Do Southerners laugh at different things than Northerners do? Yes, I say--Northerners.” Roy Blount, Jr., Roy Blount’s Book of Southern Humor”

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