Wilson Mizner Quotes
- Failure has gone to his head.
- He's a trellis for varicose veins.
- He's the only man I ever knew who had rubber pockets so he could steal soup.
- You're a mouse studying to be a rat.
- The amount of sleep required by the average person is five minutes more.
- What feeling is so nice as a child's hand in yours? So small, so soft and warm, like a kitten huddling in the shelter of…
- Count 10 over him - he'll get up
- A fellow who is always declaring that he's no fool, usually has his suspicions.
- Some of the greatest love affairs I've known have involved one actor-unassisted.
- Over in Hollywood they almost made a great picture, but they caught it in time.
- God help those who do not help themselves.
- Most hard-boiled people are half-baked.
- I never saw a mob rush across town to do a good deed.
- The most pitiful human ailment is a birdseed heart.
- Be nice to people on your way up because you'll meet them on your way down.
- Don't talk about yourself; it will be done when you leave.
- If you steal from one author it's plagiarism; if you steal from many it's research.
- Gambling: The sure way of getting nothing for something.
- The best way to keep your friends is not to give them away.
- There is something about a closet that makes a skeleton terribly restless.