Paula Poundstone Quotes
52 quotes
in 872 categories
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I've decided that perhaps I'm bulimic and just keep forgetting to purge.
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The truth is libraries are raucous clubhouses for free speech, controversy and community.
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Adults are always asking little kids what they want to be when they grow up because they're looking for ideas
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It is my wish to die of unique causes, perhaps in a high-speed tricycle crash, a bizarre stapling incient, or as a result of inadvertently…
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I have terrible short-term memory loss, which I like to think of as Presidential eligibility.
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I don't have a bank account because I don't know my mother's maiden name and apparently that's the key to the whole thing right there.…
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When a woman extends her hand for you to shake it, then you shake her hand. You do not turn it up and kiss it.…
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I’m an atheist. The good news about atheists is that we have no mandate to convert anyone. So you’ll never find me on your doorstep…
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I used to work at The International House of Pancakes. It was a dream, and I made it happen.
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I think we need a 12-step group for non-stop talkers. We're going to call it On and On Anon.
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I don’t believe for a second that weightlifting is a sport. They pick up a heavy thing and put it down again. To me, that’s…
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I know a little bit about handicapping. If the horse has an IV, you want to stay - away from it.
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I confess that when I first read that smog is particularly hazardous to children, senior citizens, and physically active people, for a brief moment I…
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The position of First Lady has no rules, just precedent, so its evolution has been at a virtual standstill for years. If Martha Washington didn't…
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I have a very silly sense of humor. I've never laughed harder in my entire life than seeing someone with toilet paper stuck on the…
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I get the first flight out from anywhere I am because I have to come home to my kids.
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I have a horrible memory and I used to consider that a liability, but I've learned along the way that talking to people is really…
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I have jokes I've told before and will tell again, but my favorite part of the night is talking to the crowd.
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I love key lime pie, although it's never made the proper way.
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I mean, I do love clever and witty, but I think that the 'Three Stooges' were geniuses. They'd have to be for their appeal to…
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