Paula Poundstone Quotes

52 quotes in 872 categories

• I've decided that perhaps I'm bulimic and just keep forgetting to purge.
• The truth is libraries are raucous clubhouses for free speech, controversy and community.
• Adults are always asking little kids what they want to be when they grow up because they're looking for ideas
• It is my wish to die of unique causes, perhaps in a high-speed tricycle crash, a bizarre stapling incient, or as a result of inadvertently…
• I have terrible short-term memory loss, which I like to think of as Presidential eligibility.
• I don't have a bank account because I don't know my mother's maiden name and apparently that's the key to the whole thing right there.…
• When a woman extends her hand for you to shake it, then you shake her hand. You do not turn it up and kiss it.…
• I’m an atheist. The good news about atheists is that we have no mandate to convert anyone. So you’ll never find me on your doorstep…
• I used to work at The International House of Pancakes. It was a dream, and I made it happen.
• I think we need a 12-step group for non-stop talkers. We're going to call it On and On Anon.
• I don’t believe for a second that weightlifting is a sport. They pick up a heavy thing and put it down again. To me, that’s…
• I know a little bit about handicapping. If the horse has an IV, you want to stay - away from it.
• I confess that when I first read that smog is particularly hazardous to children, senior citizens, and physically active people, for a brief moment I…
• The position of First Lady has no rules, just precedent, so its evolution has been at a virtual standstill for years. If Martha Washington didn't…
• I have a very silly sense of humor. I've never laughed harder in my entire life than seeing someone with toilet paper stuck on the…
• I get the first flight out from anywhere I am because I have to come home to my kids.
• I have a horrible memory and I used to consider that a liability, but I've learned along the way that talking to people is really…
• I have jokes I've told before and will tell again, but my favorite part of the night is talking to the crowd.
• I love key lime pie, although it's never made the proper way.
• I mean, I do love clever and witty, but I think that the 'Three Stooges' were geniuses. They'd have to be for their appeal to…

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