Paul Merton Quotes

28 quotes in 498 categories

• On my first day in New York a guy asked me if I knew where Central Park was. When I told him I didn't, he…
• I really don't take any interest at all in contemporary comedy.
• I don't always vote in general elections, but I think I've always voted Labour.
• And like the old stereotype, I overcame my shyness by making my friends laugh.
• I think having an outsider's viewpoint is interesting and good, especially for a comedian.
• I remember being fascinated by the very nature of comedy from the age of 10; why is this funny, and that isn't?
• I've never been disappointed by politicians. I've never invested that much in them in the first place.
• I looked at longevity in show business when I was about 13, and the people who seemed to have longevity were the ones who'd spent…
• I was trying to organise my DVDs into a sort of chronological order, and I am afraid that it all trailed off after the Sixties.
• In fact, I don't watch a lot of contemporary comedy for fear of being influenced by it.
• My favourite riposte to a heckle is to say, 'Excuse me, I'm trying to work here. How would you like it if I stood yelling…
• It seems like a contradiction, but the shy person who is a performer actually does make sense, because in a way, when you're young and…
• I have never sold my story, done Hello! magazine, any of that stuff. I'm not guilty of exploiting my private life for cash and then…
• Have you ever had sex with a horse?
• My school days were the happiest days of my life; which should give you some indication of the misery I've endured over the past twenty-five…
• I'm always amazed to hear of air crash victims so badly mutilated that they have to be identified by their dental records. What I can't…
• When I wake up on a Monday morning and I realise I don't have to go and work at the civil service, I really think…
• The thing about improvisation is that it's not about what you say. It's listening to what other people say. It's about what you hear.
• When I turned about 12 or 13, I realised that being funny wasn't about remembering jokes. It was about creating them.
• If you became a comedian in the '80s, you had to work the circuit and make people laugh. Canned laughter is cheating.

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