Michael Ian Black Quotes

21 quotes in 375 categories

• There is no word for feeling nostalgic about the future, but that's what a parent's tears often are, a nostalgia for something that has not…
• The global business climate is likewhatever, dude.
• I take my coffee the same way I take my women: Strong, black, and proud.
• The thing that I think is the most important is taking moments to express your appreciation to your partner. A thank you or a quick…
• So my reaction to hearing this corny-ass, horrible song ["With Arms Wide Open" by Creed] is violent, uncontrollable, sustained weeping.
• I don't watch that much comedy. I think it's professional jealousy. That and a lack of support for my community.
• I hope you die.... P.S. If you do die, I'm going to go to the funeral and finger your corpse.
• Everybody has something they love to do. Do that thing.
• Lordy, lordy, lordy do I love money. It is a character flaw, no doubt, one that springs from a panicked childhood in which I always…
• Nothing is more satisfying to me than sitting in a dank room, hunched over a single flickering candle like Ebenezer Scrooge, and watching my ledgers…
• Wish I could, through my own financial prestidigitation, transform a dollar bill into two, or two million. It is an awesome and mysterious skill.
• I am not a music snob. If anything, my musical taste is bad by any critical standards.
• If you get an idea, you might as well stick with it until somebody calls you on it.
• At this point, I feel fairly comfortable in terms of performance. I think having a sketch background actually helps a lot. Because my background is…
• Well, I think my stand-up is often kind of visual. Not like Carrot Top visual, but visual.
• My tastes in all things lean towards the arty and boring. I like sports documentaries about Scrabble players, bands that play quiet, unassuming music, and…
• Corporations do a lot of things well, but not run nations, for obvious reasons.
• Best strategy for a first date is to ask her questions. Just keeping asking her questions about herself. Her life, her job, her friends, her…
• Many, many people can write books. I just happen to be one of them.
• I feel like my career has been a series of glowing obituaries.

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