Unexpected money is a delight. The same sum is a bitterness when you expected more. — Mark Twain Bitterness Copy Share Image
All Congresses and Parliaments have a kindly feeling for idiots, and a compassion for them, on account of personal experience and heredity. — Mark Twain Copy Share Image
One mustn't criticize other people on grounds where he can't stand perpendicular himself — Mark Twain Criticism Copy Share Image
To be satisfied with what one has; that is wealth. As long as one sorely needs a certain additional amount, that man… — Mark Twain Copy Share Image
There are laws to protect the freedom of the press's speech, but none that are worth anything to protect the people from… — Mark Twain Communication Copy Share Image
Stripping away the irrational, the illogical, and the impossible, I am left with atheism. I can live with that. — Mark Twain Atheism Copy Share Image
When I reflect upon the number of disagreeable people who I know have gone to a better world, I am moved to… — Mark Twain Belief Copy Share Image
The ordinary chestnut can beget a sickly and reluctant laugh, but it takes a horse chestnut to fetch the gorgeous big horse-laugh. — Mark Twain Copy Share Image
Satan (impatiently) to Newcomer: The trouble with you Chicago people is, that you think you are the best people down here; whereas… — Mark Twain Chicago Copy Share Image
The government is merely a servant―merely a temporary servant; it cannot be its prerogative to determine what is right and what is… — Mark Twain Copy Share Image
There is not a single celebrated Southern name in any of the departments of human industry except those of war, assassination, lynching,… — Mark Twain Assassination Copy Share Image
It would not be possible for Noah to do in our day what he was permitted to do in his own ...… — Mark Twain Ark Copy Share Image
My mind changes often ... People who have no mind can easily be steadfast and firm, but when a man is loaded… — Mark Twain Copy Share Image
Custom is custom: it is built of brass, boiler-iron, granite; facts, reasonings, arguments have no more effect upon it than the idle… — Mark Twain Argument Copy Share Image
We had an abundance of mangoes, papaias and bananas here, but the pride of the islands, the most delicious fruit known to… — Mark Twain Abundance Copy Share Image
“The grave of Adam! How touching it was, here in a land of strangers, far away from home, & friends, & all… — Mark Twain Blood relation Copy Share Image
God made all the animals in a single day; he could have swept them all away in the flood and re-created them… — Mark Twain Animal Copy Share Image
The law of God, as quite plainly expressed in woman's construction, is this: There shall be no limit put upon your intercourse… — Mark Twain Absence Copy Share Image
“One must make allowances for a parental instinct that has been starving for twenty-five or thirty years. It is famished, it is… — Mark Twain Old couple Copy Share Image
“Are you so unobservant as not to have found out that sanity and happiness are an impossible combination? No sane man can… — Mark Twain Happiness Copy Share Image
Habit is habit and not to be flung out of the window by any man, but coaxed downstairs a step at a… — Mark Twain Awareness Copy Share Image
“Then at once they reached and hovered upon the imminent verge of sleep - but an intruder came, now, that would not… — Mark Twain Boys Copy Share Image
An average English word is four letters and a half. By hard, honest labor I've dug all the large words out of… — Mark Twain Copy Share Image
I believe that our Heavenly Father invented man because he was disappointed in the monkey. I believe that whenever a human being,… — Mark Twain Copy Share Image