Julie Burchill

Presley sounded like Jayne Mansfield looked - blowsy and loud and low.

— Julie Burchill

Show me a frigid woman and, nine times out of ten, I'll show you a little man.

— Julie Burchill

I don't have a spiritual bone in my body; but what I am, is religious.

— Julie Burchill

If you want sex, have an affair. If you want a relationship, buy a dog.

— Julie Burchill

I wouldn't know how to fool a man any more. My deceiving days seem so long ago.

— Julie Burchill

But just think what a boring, bread-and-milk world this would be without the boastful.

— Julie Burchill

It's received wisdom that the English are uniquely child-unfriendly.

— Julie Burchill

My dad didn't drive - the only dad I knew who didn't.

— Julie Burchill

I'll declare my own interest right here at the start and admit that, like the vast majority of people, I find youthful…

— Julie Burchill

Now the whole dizzying and delirious range of sexual possibilities has been boiled down to that one big, boring, bulimic word. RELATIONSHIP.

— Julie Burchill

Covering up, so far as I can see, is often the accompaniment to far more truly shameful behaviour than stripping off.

— Julie Burchill

Amsterdam has more than 150 canals and 1,250 bridges, but it never seems crowded, nor bent and bitter from fleecing the tourist.

— Julie Burchill

Having 'best friends' is - at least for me - as outdated and small-minded a concept as the idea of 'Sunday best…

— Julie Burchill

The latest twist on the pampering concept is spa parties, where a group of friends take over an entire spa.

— Julie Burchill

The freedom that women were supposed to have found in the Sixties largely boiled down to easy contraception and abortion; things to…

— Julie Burchill

It has been said that a pretty face is a passport. But it's not, it's a visa, and it runs out fast.

— Julie Burchill

I've always thought of beauty therapy, 'alternative' treatments and the like as the female equivalent of brothels - for essentially self-deceiving people…

— Julie Burchill

As a child, I wanted only two things - to be left alone to read my library books, and to get away…

— Julie Burchill

As a precocious teen I dreamed of being Graham Greene. Well, as it turned out, I never wrote a great novel, sadly,…

— Julie Burchill

Prostitution is the supreme triumph of capitalism. When the sex war is won prostitutes should be shot as collaborators for their terrible…

— Julie Burchill

When I moved to Brighton from London in 1995, I was struck by what I thought of as its townliness. A town,…

— Julie Burchill

I jest, of course; premature ejaculation isn't a laughing matter for anyone, except for your friends when you tell them about it…

— Julie Burchill

I am not one of those fat birds who feels miserable because models are thin. Frankly, I feel more insulted by the…

— Julie Burchill

In Barcelona, things seem so different. For example, I know that it's traditionally the least Spanish city, but you'd never know they…

— Julie Burchill

Prostitution reinforces all the old dumb clichés about women's sexuality; that they are not built to enjoy sex and are little more…

— Julie Burchill

The terrorist attacks were a tragedy for the people who died or were injured, and for their families and friends. For the…

— Julie Burchill

I feel even less patience with transsexuals.

— Julie Burchill

Punk was over in two years. That was the only damn good thing about it.

— Julie Burchill

Depression is the most extreme form of vanity.

— Julie Burchill

There are exciting, intelligent, fat people - and exciting, intelligent, thin people.

— Julie Burchill

Transsexualism is, basically, just another, more drastic twist on the male menopause

— Julie Burchill

The secret is not to care what anyone thinks of you.

— Julie Burchill

People - and I include myself - get fat because they choose pleasure over self-denial.

— Julie Burchill

Show me a frigid women and, nine times out of ten, I'll show you a little man.

— Julie Burchill

Gluttony and idleness are two of life's great joys, but they are not honourable.

— Julie Burchill

Shame, like beauty, is often in the eye of the beholder.

— Julie Burchill

Grooming oneself with all the crazed compulsion of an under-exercised lab rat in order to hook a rich man and obtain a…

— Julie Burchill

I know that Brighton is famously a mixture of the seedy and the elegant, but in the summer of 2001 seediness swamped…

— Julie Burchill

A wedding is a funeral which masquerades as a feast. And the greater the pageantry, the deeper the savagery.

— Julie Burchill

Monarchists frequently declare that without the royal family, Britain would be 'nothing.' What a woeful lack of love for one's country such…

— Julie Burchill