I've done pretty well as a professional fed-up. The tools of my trade so far have been irony, tongue-in-cheek mockery, and supercilious… — Florence King Copy Share Image
I have a professional acquaintance whose recent eyelid job has left her with a permanent expression of such poleaxed astonishment that she… — Florence King Acquaintance Copy Share Image
Let's bring back grandmothers! A real family consists of three generations. It's time Americans stopped worrying about interference and being a burden… — Florence King Burden Copy Share Image
They don't call him 'No Drama Obama' for nothing. He's even worse than we thought because he has committed the ultimate American… — Florence King Copy Share Image
My object is to live in a place that does not call itself 'the community with a heart.' I want one of… — Florence King Community Copy Share Image
People are so busy dreaming the American Dream, fantasizing about what they could be or have a right to be, that they're… — Florence King Age Copy Share Image
If last words are to be audible and coherent, they need to be delivered before you have any tubes up your nose… — Florence King Last words Copy Share Image
During the feminist seventies men were caught between a rock and a hard-on; in the fathering eighties they are caught between good… — Florence King Copy Share Image
A woman must wait for her ovaries to die before she can get her rightful personality back. Post-menstrual is the same as… — Florence King Age Copy Share Image
When women talk about "privacy" they mean abortion rights, and the millions of words feminists have written about "a room of one'sown"… — Florence King Abortion Copy Share Image
Any discussion of the problems of being funny in America will not make sense unless we substitute the word wit for humor.… — Florence King America Copy Share Image
As the only class distinction available in a democracy, the college degree has created a caste society as rigid as ancient India's.… — Florence King Ancient Copy Share Image
Learn to spot and avoid "writer groupies." The writer's self-sufficiency and our love for our work tend to attract insecure people who… — Florence King Copy Share Image
We want a president who is as much like an American tourist as possible. Someone with the same goofy grin, the same… — Florence King Conception Copy Share Image
"Very" is the most useless word in the English language and can always come out. More than useless, it is treacherous because… — Florence King English language Copy Share Image
I cherish the review-as-literature; as lapidary journalism in the eighteenth-century mode, the last hard sparkling diamond in theessayists's tarnished crown. To me,… — Florence King Books Copy Share Image
Americans are so emotionally fragile that soon we will have to be carried around in plastic bubbles and fed with an eye-dropper. — Florence King America Copy Share Image
Animal rights activists gives disillusioned feminists an excuse to go back to being women protecting wee creatures without compromising their radical credentials — Florence King Activist Copy Share Image
The copyeditor I drew was a brachycephalic, web-footed cretin who should have been in an institution learning how to make brooms. — Florence King Copy Share Image
Gradually my whole concept of time changed until I thought of a month as having twenty-five days of humanness and five others… — Florence King Animal Copy Share Image
Nothing is more likely to start me screaming like a madwoman than New York in February with its piles of blackened snow… — Florence King Dog Copy Share Image
Men are not very good at loving, but they are experts at admiring and respecting; the woman who goes after their admiration… — Florence King Admiration Copy Share Image
Golf is an exercise in Scottish pointlessness for people who are no longer able to throw telephone poles at each other. — Florence King Copy Share Image
Self-help books are making life downright unsafe. Womendesperate to catch a man practice all the ploys recommended by these authors. Bump into… — Florence King Books Copy Share Image
Owning your own home is America's unique recipe for avoiding revolution and promoting pseudo-equality at the same time. — Florence King America Copy Share Image
I wasn't used to children and they were getting on my nerves. Worse, it appeared that I was a child, too. I… — Florence King Copy Share Image
Writers, not psychiatrists, are the true interpreters of the human mind and heart, and we have been at it for a very… — Florence King Copy Share Image
American couples have gone to such lengths to avoid the interference of in-laws that they have to pay marriage counselors to interfere… — Florence King Copy Share Image
There is nothing wrong with "women's studies" that studying the right women can't cure, but feminist literary scholars have a penchant for… — Florence King Copy Share Image
because the theater lost a Barrymore every time a Southerner decided not to go on the stage, just about anything that comes… — Florence King Actor Copy Share Image
Optimists don't mind if you eavesdrop on them. They welcome it, in fact, because it helps them spread their fiendish gospel. — Florence King Copy Share Image
To achieve the very pinnacle of good taste, the neoclassicists wrote their plays entirely in alexandrine verse, a rarefied meter that is… — Florence King Copy Share Image
Thank God I'm over the hill. The only heat I have left comes from hot flashes, my promiscuity is confined to thewords… — Florence King Hot flashes Copy Share Image
“To make sure I learned the etiquette of grieving, Granny took me with her to the many funerals she attended. O Death,… — Florence King Death Copy Share Image
One of life's intriguing paradoxes is that hierarchical social order makes cheap rents and outré artists' colonies possible. Raffish bohemian neighborhoods flourished… — Florence King America Copy Share Image
Owning your own home is America's unique recipe for avoiding revolution and promoting pseudo-equality at the same time. To keep citizens puttering… — Florence King America Copy Share Image
There is much to be said for post-menopausal celibacy. Sex is rough on loners because you have to have somebody else around,… — Florence King Celibacy Copy Share Image
Time has lost all meaning in that nightmare alley of the Western world known as the American mind. We wallow in nostalgia… — Florence King Copy Share Image
