Drew Magary

“You probably don't remember that, do you? Depression has a way of vaporizing big parts of your memory. Important parts.”

— Drew Magary

“My run up the avenue was complicated by the fact that everyone was staring at their damn phones and tablets, and not…

— Drew Magary

“She crossed her legs and kicked out her feet, clad in thick wool socks and boots big enough to house a little…

— Drew Magary

When a teacher is paying extra attention to your child, you believe that it's because you raised such an exceptional kid, one…

— Drew Magary

With toilet books, people don't review them that much. They don't really pay much attention to them. It's just like, "Oh, okay.…

— Drew Magary

“Every book was a door; every page a new place to hide.”

— Drew Magary

“Okay," I confessed. "You got me. I don't want to die. I'm terrified of death. I fear there's nothing beyond it and…

— Drew Magary

I took time in the day to write as much of the book as I possibly could. I didn't write too much…

— Drew Magary

“It was night, and even if any good Samaritan saw the smoke, it wasn't like they would come running. This was America.…

— Drew Magary

“I once met a traveler who told me he would live to see the end of time. He laid out all his…

— Drew Magary

Once ESPN leaves you, and you don't have a foothold anywhere else, you're done. It's very hard to do anything else, because…

— Drew Magary

I occasionally get glimpses, but I have to reprioritize, because that's how it naturally progresses - things like family, responsibilities, and your…

— Drew Magary

You'll paint some nursery and the kid will want to sleep in a drawer.

— Drew Magary

“Jokes about butts WORKED.”

— Drew Magary

“Once they've borne children, mothers can construct virtually any costume using scissors, felt, Elmer's glue, and a leftover pen spring. They're like…

— Drew Magary

I posted some story about the Arizona State baseball coach getting into a fight with an autograph hound, and it was a…

— Drew Magary

You always worry and you always fear what's next. But you eventually just push forward knowing you can't really do much about…

— Drew Magary

“My favorite part of the party is when the party is over. When I don't feel obligated to have a good time,…

— Drew Magary

I've hated cockroaches my entire life.Tweeting jokes about it helps me cope, in a way. I'm not as jumpy killing cave crickets…

— Drew Magary

“This is the Supernova," he said. "Any time he gets worked up, his body bursts into white-hot light that disintegrates anything around…

— Drew Magary

“Perhaps some ghoulish maid service swept through the hotel every hour to pick up the remains of the undead ?”

— Drew Magary

“At 1 A.M. a parking garage feels like a crime scene in waiting.”

— Drew Magary

“Thanks for everything, Pennsylvania, but fuck you eternally.”

— Drew Magary

I think I liked writing a novel better. Obviously, it's more rewarding. It's that marathon thing where it sucks when you're doing…

— Drew Magary

You need to be funny in a way that people feel like you're trying to make a deeper connection. So that's what…

— Drew Magary