If you were to second guess your decision to book some time to visit an Indian community, that would be a reservation… — Brian Regan Book Copy Share Image
Don't like when sports interviewers force answers: Are you dedicating this game to your sick grandmother? What's the guy supposed to say? — Brian Regan Copy Share Image
“so, what are you in for? MANSLAUGHTER!!! I SLAUGHTERED A MAN!! JUST LIKE A PIG!!! PUT HIM ON A SPIT AND PUT… — Brian Regan Copy Share Image
The funnest jokes for me to tell are the ones that are the newest. So I'm just constantly motivated to keep my… — Brian Regan Comedy Copy Share Image
It’s good to be here. I’m just trying to go through life without looking stupid. It’s not working out too well. — Brian Regan Copy Share Image
Some people look at creamed corn and ask, 'Why?' I look at creamed corn and ask, 'Why not?' — Brian Regan Copy Share Image
I'm trying to do things I have never done. Like I recently went to 3 different ballets. And I loved trying to… — Brian Regan Copy Share Image
Racquetball is the only sport where simultaneously you can be looking at the ball and it'll hit you in the back of… — Brian Regan Copy Share Image
I think comedy is a good way to deal with anything. I hear about people in the hospital who are ill, and… — Brian Regan Comedy Copy Share Image
“Would you like a nice cold fish head? They're frozen solid: frozen head of fish, the eyeballs in there and the skeleton's… — Brian Regan Fish Copy Share Image
“So when you do get on, the first class people are already sitting there; they're all sprawled out on their big thrones.… — Brian Regan First class Copy Share Image
I do a few jokes about the economy but from an everyday person perspective. People like to laugh, and they especially like… — Brian Regan Copy Share Image
So when you do board, the first class people, they're sitting there. A lot of them are working as your boarding. They… — Brian Regan Copy Share Image
I go in for the eye test, and I don't know about you, but I concentrate like crazy during the eye exam.… — Brian Regan Copy Share Image
You ever say a phrase you say all the time at the wrong time, feel like a complete idiot? Something like, 'You,… — Brian Regan Copy Share Image
I think the most horrible name for a crime has to be manslaughter. ... "I slaughtered a man! Just like a pig!… — Brian Regan Apples Copy Share Image
I saw this sign posted once, it said, 'blasting zone ahead'. Wow... shouldn't that read: Road Closed. What do you mean there's… — Brian Regan Comedy Copy Share Image
When you're onstage, it's a communication technique when you make people laugh. You're communicating. You're communicating with other human beings and when… — Brian Regan Copy Share Image
The government will pay certain farmers to not grow corn. Wow. Where's my check? That'd be great. "Hey, what do you do… — Brian Regan Copy Share Image
I don't know what in the hell's going on with cranberries, but they're getting in all the other juices. Whoever the salesman… — Brian Regan Apples Copy Share Image
I eat like a kid. I like Chief Boyardee. Their Ravioli, but they have some stuff I've never seen in the real… — Brian Regan Copy Share Image
I thought yoga was easy - I went out and I bought a yoga video tape. I bought the beginners' yoga tape.… — Brian Regan Beginners Copy Share Image
I'm always excited about my upcoming shows. I love what I do; I feel very lucky to be able to do what… — Brian Regan Copy Share Image
“We needed a refrigerator for our new place and I've never bought a refrigerator my whole life. I went into the appliance… — Brian Regan Comedy Copy Share Image
I think the serving size of ice cream is when you hear the spoon hit the bottom of the container. — Brian Regan Copy Share Image
Hey, you know who I feel bad for? Arab-Americans who truly want to get into crop dusting. — Brian Regan Arab Copy Share Image
My parents didn't know what to do with me. They got me into Little League Baseball, I played out in right field,… — Brian Regan Baseball Copy Share Image
I like the honesty of standup comedy. People don't fake laugh. If they're truly laughing at you, you know they like you. — Brian Regan Comedy Copy Share Image
I don't know. I'd be a lot better off if I would've studied more when I was growing up, you know? — Brian Regan Copy Share Image
Do people who believe in reincarnation ever say, Darn, I'm still writing the year 1612 on my checks! — Brian Regan Copy Share Image
“You got to figure out how to eat your snack while your elbows are touching. You got to learn how to twist… — Brian Regan Food Copy Share Image
How come they don't think you can handle a new story out of the blue on the TV news? They gotta make… — Brian Regan Copy Share Image
Every comedian works differently. Some comedians might do just observational stuff and they don't do anything personal, and other people.. everything they… — Brian Regan Approach Copy Share Image
A lot of the kind of comedy that I do comes out of real human moments. For them to work, they have… — Brian Regan Audience Copy Share Image
Like, I'm trying to make a statement that clean comedy is somehow better or loftier than dirty comedy, and I don't feel… — Brian Regan Copy Share Image
Many comedians consider themselves to be cutting edge. But why do we have to use the knife for the analogy. Let's use… — Brian Regan Analogies Copy Share Image
Just make sure you're staying true to yourself, and do what you think is good in that craft or field [of yours]… — Brian Regan Crafts Copy Share Image
Relevance is kind of a weird thing. If one does topical material, it makes sense to want to be relevant. But if… — Brian Regan Court Copy Share Image
I went to the juice isle, I learned something. Cranberries are taking over everything. What do you got, apples? Put some cranberrise… — Brian Regan Apples Copy Share Image
“I' before 'E' except after 'C', and when sounded like 'ay' as in neighbor and weigh, and on weekends and holidays, and… — Brian Regan Funny Copy Share Image
![“Just make sure you're staying true to yourself, and do what you think is good in that craft or field [of yours] and then let everything else fall where it falls.” quote by Brian Regan](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/a54/brian-regan-3918_crafts_just-make-sure-you-re-staying-true-to-yo_1336701.png)
