Bill Burr Quotes

46 quotes in 647 categories

• I love my dog. I hate bankers. I have issues with women. In my head, I’m a great guy.
• There is NO reason to hit a woman!
• I think I know how to raise a kid. You just play catch with 'em. You just talk about life, and you distract them by…
• God's everywhere, but I gotta go down (to church) to see him? Really? And he's mad at me down there, and I owe you money?
• You know what a cubicle basically says? It basically says, like, 'You know what? We don't think you're smart enough for an office, but we…
• Your twenties is all about taking your childhood out on everyone that you run into.
• I am so pro-swine flu it's ridiculous.
• Gold diggers are the wife beaters of men!
• You have no idea how long a year is until you’re stone sober.
• Nothing worse than when a 6 acts like a 10.
• Deny your emotions and act like you have answers
• There's no "brothers" when it comes to white people. We are just complete individuals. We don't care about each other. He's not my brother; my…
• To me this is not yelling. I am not yelling. I'm just passionate about my opinions and I want to tell you all of them…
• What would you rather be? 52 and look 52, or 52 and look like a 28-year-old lizard?
• I've never wanted to kill myself over anything major. It's always the little things that do me in.
• Working on the Dave Chappelle show was amazing.
• I love doing radio, and I love doing stand-up, obviously.
• I was in NYC during 9/11; it happened on a Tuesday, I was on stage Thursday. It was a small crowd, but it took about…
• Being a comedian is an incredible thing, but it can be scary sometimes.
• The first night you walk down to a comedy club, at least for me, I had my voice, and then I went on stage and…

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