You have an incredible body." He reaches out to touch my stomach. I feel no pleasure in his compliment or his touch,… — Augusten Burroughs Body Copy Share Image
“It then occurs to me that I am mentally unstable. So I decided to close my office door and go online. Maybe… — Augusten Burroughs Copy Share Image
If I were a serial killer, I would not be the kind that stabs and then eats the victim. I would be… — Augusten Burroughs Class Copy Share Image
“I walked up to the house, rubbing my shoulder where it still hurt from the rifle's recoil. But soon, it wouldn't hurt… — Augusten Burroughs Copy Share Image
“You're at the crack addict's apartment? Having a little sandwich?" he says. From the tone of his voice, you'd think I just… — Augusten Burroughs Copy Share Image
I don't read memoirs. But if you write a memoir, I would think you'd want people to know, "O.K., look, I've taken… — Augusten Burroughs Books Copy Share Image
I don't really think of my blog as a real blog. It's a lame blog. It's more like my when-the-mood-strikes update, or… — Augusten Burroughs Blog Copy Share Image
“Oh, I had a great time. My thirty-three-year-old boyfriend said he wished they could package my cum like ice cream so he… — Augusten Burroughs Copy Share Image
The most important thing for a writer to do is to write. It really doesn't matter what you write as long as… — Augusten Burroughs Copy Share Image
“Lately, I am receiving numerous calls each night from telemarketers. They're calling with the frequent urgency of dumped boyfriends. At this point,… — Augusten Burroughs Gay guy Copy Share Image
Most everybody had made at least one bad, drunken decision in their lives. Called an ex at two in the morning. Or… — Augusten Burroughs Best buddies Copy Share Image
But even with my minimal amount of fame, there are certain perks. Recently, I was at a movie premier, and at the… — Augusten Burroughs Baby Copy Share Image
“Because the minister's wife refused to leave the minister, and because my mother required a worshipful companion, she was forced to break… — Augusten Burroughs Marriage Copy Share Image
“Fairness is not among the laws of the universe. This means, if someone runs over your foot in a car and they… — Augusten Burroughs Fairness Copy Share Image
Not crazy in a 'let's paint the kitchen bright red!' sort of way. But crazy in a 'gas oven, toothpaste sandwich, I… — Augusten Burroughs Candle Copy Share Image
Glen had a disability more disfiguring than a burn and more terrifying than cancer. Glen had been born on the day after… — Augusten Burroughs Birthday Copy Share Image
You are allowed to be alive. You are allowed to be somebody different. You are allowed to not say goodbye to anybody… — Augusten Burroughs Alive Copy Share Image
You can make almost anything a learning or positive experience. I think I offer a good example of how to make the… — Augusten Burroughs Copy Share Image
If you hate your life, you haven't' seen enough of it. If you hate your life, it's because your life is too… — Augusten Burroughs Copy Share Image
“You know what we need? We need to get jobs, get the fuck out of that crazy house,' Natalie said, dipping a… — Augusten Burroughs Copy Share Image
Confidence is a reduction of your own interest in whether others are thinking about you and if so, what they're thinking. — Augusten Burroughs Confidence Copy Share Image
What nobody understood then is this: The only way that you achieve what you want and fulfill your dreams and become great… — Augusten Burroughs Copy Share Image
Smoking had become my favorite thing in the world to do. It was like having instant comfort, no matter where or when. — Augusten Burroughs Comfort Copy Share Image
“But feelings, no matter how strong or “ugly,” are not a part of who you are. They are the radio stations your… — Augusten Burroughs Feelings Copy Share Image
I love you," she said, and I knew she meant it because she spoke the words from the heart at the center… — Augusten Burroughs Copy Share Image
You need to grab your dream out of the sky like it's a kite and pinch the string through your fingers until… — Augusten Burroughs Dream Copy Share Image
“I didn't begin life hating my grandmother. Like every child, I adored her. Until I formed a brain and got to know… — Augusten Burroughs Children Copy Share Image
He continues to smile expectantly. I take a step back. I don't want to catch whatever he has. He is a disturbing… — Augusten Burroughs Christmas Copy Share Image
New York City is a place where you can lock yourself up in your little studio apartment, and not go outside at… — Augusten Burroughs Copy Share Image
“The events of the past cannot be fully understood when you are the only element of the past actively engaged in reliving… — Augusten Burroughs Past Copy Share Image
“Hope and God were buddies. Theirs was not a formal relationship steeped in ritual and tradition. It was more of a close… — Augusten Burroughs Friendship Copy Share Image
The dark side of blogging is, of course, people can be (and are) just savage and uncivilized, deeply cruel and fully unaccountable. — Augusten Burroughs Copy Share Image
“We had a wealth of something we didn't want, but the wealth itself was intoxicating and we invented games just so we… — Augusten Burroughs Wealth Copy Share Image
“The more time I spent at the Finches', the more I realized what a waste of my life this school crap was.… — Augusten Burroughs Expression Copy Share Image
Saying just the right thing after a considerable, awkward pause is far less effective than saying the wrong thing with perfect timing.… — Augusten Burroughs Copy Share Image
My parents had this relationship that was really terrifying. I mean, the level of hatred that they had, and the level of… — Augusten Burroughs Abuse Copy Share Image
(The new boyfriend) knows I write every day for hours but has no idea that all I’m writing about is me. It… — Augusten Burroughs Alcoholics Copy Share Image
There's a lot about being "A Writer" that has nothing to do with writing. That's one thing I've discovered. You've got to… — Augusten Burroughs Copy Share Image
Dennis looked at the puppy in the window. We both did. It was the oddest thing. Normally, puppies in pet store windows… — Augusten Burroughs Animal Copy Share Image
“Freedom was what we had. Nobody told us when to go to bed. Nobody told us to do our homework. Nobody told… — Augusten Burroughs Freedom Copy Share Image
