I read the Bible when I was 12 while studying for my bar mitzvah. I was also reading a lot of Dilbert… — Simon Rich Copy Share Image
Most of my work is, I get an idea, and, with the help of Wikipedia, I can write. I don't have to leave my… — Simon Rich Copy Share Image
I never felt ostracized or made to feel strange by obsessing over 'The Onion' or 'Calvin and Hobbes.' That was considered completely normal. — Simon Rich Copy Share Image
It's easier to be a grownup than to be a kid. When you're a kid, you lie constantly and people are always calling you… — Simon Rich Copy Share Image
I was never a cool person; in fact, cool people have always made fun of me. That’s why I loved [the Robert Cormier YA… — Simon Rich Copy Share Image
I try not to write jokes that are mean. I try my best to write jokes that are pretty universal and jokes that don't… — Simon Rich Copy Share Image
People are funny in like young adulthood, just like how people's musical tastes are cool, but it changes very rapidly. In five or ten… — Simon Rich Copy Share Image
“I still remember the day I got my first calculator Teacher: All right, children, welcome to fourth grade math. Everyone take a calculator out… — Simon Rich Copy Share Image
I admired the earnestness of these people, many of whom had joined Greenpeace and marched for noble things in their youth. But I didn’t… — Simon Rich Copy Share Image
I wanted to be an artist after all, and my teachers told me these were the best authors the 20th century had to offer.… — Simon Rich Copy Share Image
“Before OkCupid profiles became mandated by the Galactic Government, the only way to find a mate was to self-induce brain-damage and beg strangers for… — Simon Rich Copy Share Image
“God: Check out this human I designed. Angel: Wow, that looks pretty incredible. How does it work? God: It's pretty complicated. Point to something… — Simon Rich Copy Share Image
“I know the odds are against us. I know she’s a siren. I know she’s eaten people. I know she’s five thousand years older… — Simon Rich Copy Share Image
